So That's Settled

I was talking with a guy this week whose life is a mess.  Well, I wasn’t really talking, I was mostly listening because what is there to say.  He told me, “I’m almost 40.  I thought things would be so much more settled by now.” 

I could remember having similar thoughts about my own life.If you read books or watch movies, you get the distinct impression that after great upheavals of love or suspense or success, people settle into a predictable everyday routine.  That life proceeds in a relatively eventless forward, not worth commenting upon.In writing we even have an acronym for it.  HEA.  Happily-ever-after.There is something very static about that.  It almost makes bliss sound boring.

I recall a friend who once complained about his life being “mountains and tombs”.  Biblically, I knew what he was talking about.  But he was trying very hard to set a course for himself that would be more like a quiet sea. 

Hey, they call the quiet sea the doldrums for a reason.  And although it can certainly be welcome for a brief respite, the more time spent there, the less you like it.  

A few years ago I wrote a novel called SUBURBAN RENEWAL.  It was about a couple who’d been married 25 years and, in alternating chapters, each was revisiting the events of their life together.I love that book, just for what it is.  And a lot of readers did, too.  But there are always critics for anything I write.  And I hear them louder and their words stick with me longer than all the accolades.  Though I do try to roll with it. 

One complaint about SUBURBAN that comes to mind was an anonymous review by a person who said something like, “It’s incredulous to think that so many things could happen to one family.”

When I read that, I nearly choked on my coffee.Comparing real life events to fictional life events…the real life is always far more unexpected, complicated and crazy.Hence the phrase, “if I wrote this in a book, no one would believe it.”

Or the even more popular “truth is stranger than fiction.” 

I decided my critic must be very young.  Young enough to still imagine that at some point all the loose ends in her life will tie up and happily-ever-after begins.

Like maybe when you leave home

Or after you graduate

Or once you’ve found a good job

For sure once you’re married

After having kids

Or once they get a little bigger

When they’ve grown up and go out on their own

As soon as you can retire and do those things you’ve always wanted to do

Once your health improves

Okay!  I’ve got it.  Everything gets sorted out and settled…as soon as we’re dead. 

Until that time, we’re out here putting one foot in front of the other.  Doing, as my dad would say, the best we can with the tools we’ve got.

We have the expectation of some incredible joy in our futures.  And some heartbreak and sadness that we not sure we’ll be able to bear.  As well as every emotion in between. 

Because this is what life is.  Unsettled.  Full of detours.  False starts.  Misconnections.  Human error.  Small surprises.  Unexpected smiles.  The beauty of small things.  The bliss of larger ones. 

I’m not willing to settle for anything less.