Competition and Rewards Bad. Can it be? Even for Kids?
Years ago I read a book that changed my world vision. I don’t remember why I read it, but it changed how I looked at my own kids and people I worked with. It was by a guy named Alfie Kohn. I know what you’re thinking. I thought the same thing–and no offense meant to Mr. Kohn–but how can you take something serious when the author goes by the first name of Alfie: It’s got to be pop psychology. Once I got into his book Punished by Rewards, I never again had that thought.
My take away (still fresh in my mind all these years later) is that when we give rewards (basically gimmicks) to people (kids and adults) for doing something, we may get them to behave in a certain way in the short-term, but at the same time we are destroying their intrinsic motivation to do that thing.
I still repeat–when required–the anecdote he called “an old joke” : An old man is being harassed daily by 10-year-old kids as they pass by his house. Getting tired of the insults about how “stupid or ugly or bald” he is, he calls them over and offers each a dollar if they will do the same the next day. Of course they’re up for it and perform admirably, and he pays them; and he responds to their splendid performance by offering 25 cents to each if they will behave the same the next day. Again, a superb performance and outstanding insults. And he rewards their behavior with a new offer: He can only pay a penny for the same effort. “The kids looked at each other in disbelief. ‘A penny?’ they repeated scornfully. ‘Forget it!’ And they never came back again.”
I would highly recommend the book to parents and anyone who’s giving out rewards.
I thought of Mr. Kohn because he was quoted this morning in a New York Times article on competition, spouting one of his other provocative claims that appeared in his first book, No Contest: The Case Against Competition. The Times quotes him as saying,
“The evidence overwhelmingly suggests that competition is destructive, particularly, but not exclusively, for children,” said Alfie Kohn, an author and speaker whose views on the negative aspects of competition are widely followed in the field of parenting. “It’s a toxic way to raise children….The absence of competition seems to be a prerequisite for excellence in most endeavors, contrary to received wisdom.”
After reading these two books, I’m convinced that his arguments against rewards and competition are not naive, but are well thought out, nuanced and supported by research. I recommend them (and today’s Times article) to all parents.
