Unusual Memory

It was very traumatic for me to leave San Pablo in 1978 to study in Manila. All my friends were in San Pablo and I was very attached to this place (I still am). We moved into this apartment near V. Mapa High School in San Miguel. It was no fun there. The landlords felt they were above us and their kid, who was around my age, didn’t want me playing with his toys. My dad remained in San Pablo for another year because it wasn’t so easy for him to transfer from the bank he was working on to another branch near us in Manila.

For that entire year we still went home to San Pablo on the weekend. I remember Fridays well because not only was I going back home, Voltes V would be on as soon as I got there. So weekends made me very excited and happy. But for the weekdays in that apartment, I felt very unhappy. Since there was only one parent with us there, I became very attached to my mom, who was by then working as a PE teacher in the College of the Holy Spirit. I had no friends and my brother, who was in his own world, and mom were pretty much it for me. I hated the hostility of our landlords and their son. I hated my classmates who made fun of my San Pablo accent.

One afternoon, I got worried when my mom didn’t return home at her usual time. After an hour more passed, I got so worried that I got a bit panicky and paranoid. I started crying. My brother was there, I don’t know, maybe he knew better than I did because he carried on whatever he was doing, probably pissed I was crying so much. I became so paranoid that I actually did feel I was going to lose my mom forever. I was inconsolable. I cried and I cried. I felt my world was collapsing all around me.

And then something really strange happened. I heard this voice in my head. I didn’t hear it with my ears. I heard it whispered inside my brain. It was a woman’s voice and it was a very beautiful and calm voice. It told me, and I can still remember this word for word right now as I type it, “Wag ka mag-alala, uuwi na ang mommy mo.” (Don’t worry, your mom’s coming home.) For some reason I trusted that voice, and I stopped crying at once. It was amazing. I immediately calmed down, and I actually started thinking of my school assignment. And yes, true enough, my mom was home some 10 minutes later.

Now I don’t know what that was. I don’t want conclude anything about it. I’m just writing it down as it happened. It’s one of the strongest memories of my childhood. I’ve never actually told anyone about this until now. I couldn’t forget how beautiful and calming that voice was. It was so powerful that had enormous impact on me that day, and it still continues to affect me today.

It’s opened up my mind you know, to be open to the possibilities. Was it all just in my mind? Possibly. Like I said, I don’t know what it is. Is it something else? I’m open to that being possible. But whatever the case, that voice helped me that day. And it’s a voice I will never forget. I’ve never heard it again since then. And I’m actually sad I don’t.