This post also likes pleasuring you as much as it likes being pleased.

So.

Cyber Dating Sidekick is in a bit of a transition (watch this space for breaking news and upcoming details) but I still have a client list that, every once in a while, requires me to hop back on the ol' online dating sites and take a look around.

Recently, this client list included a client within my new immediate geographical area (Hayward, WI).

I didn't wanna do it, you guys. I didn't want to face it...if I just pretended that there's a ton of hot guys online around here ready and waiting for when I feel like dating again...if I just visualize it...then maybe it will be so, right?

No, you guys. No. NO IT WILL NOT BE SO.

This is what I found, much to my (and my client's) chagrin: 

(And be aware: These are all verbatim from different profiles)

I’m really good at household fixer-upers mowing lawn i wipe my out butt
My self-summary i like playing pool, darts,watching tv,getting freaky,making love or just a fast fuck.cuddling while watching tv and having a few drinks. I am softhearted, hot, and horny
The most private thing I’m willing to admit I'm hopeless when it comes to picking up the signs that you like me so just seduce me and then I'll know...... Also I like pleasuring just as much as I like being pleased
I spend a lot of time thinking about...I think of training a lot. spend a lot of time in the gym not for vanity reasons either. I genuinely wanna be a healthy person try to eat right when I can take care of myself. My body is not perfect by any means but it to goal to strive for and one I really enjoy doing. I'm also a very sensual person.

Well. I think we can all agree that these guys have everything a girl is looking for! I mean, one guy even knows how to wipe his out butt, everybody! I've dated hundreds of men, and none of them have openly admitted that to me! And is "making love or just a fast fuck" the new "I like going out for a night out on the town, but I also don't mind staying in to watch a movie"? Who cares!! He's soft-hearted, hot, AND horny!

And why wouldn't you want to seduce a self-admitted totally clueless man? He'll give as good as he gets, girls. (In the bedroom, I mean. Obviously not outside of it.)

See, the thing that guys are trying to do with this type of stuff is the same thing that women try to do when they write all about their dreams for marriage and kids in their online dating profiles: What they're telling you is really just what they want to hear you say.

Which is kind of the secret to all other dating profiles.

Except, not disgusting-like.

Guys, c'mon: save the profile on your sexual appetites and habits for when you're actually about to have it with someone. We already know you like sex. We also know that you kind of want to have some. Right now, even. But much like I tell my lady-people clients when it comes to the exact rundown on their plans and goals for marriage and kids...that stuff is better left for when you actually know a person already. Like, maybe the third date.

When you're still trying to get them in the door? Scary.

But anyway, my personal point to everyone else is...welcome to my new world, everybody. Welcome to the dating pool that I am now a part of. I know these types of profiles can be found in almost any location search, but the difference is, those are usually the rare find. These are the norm.

Which either means I will be making mad profits with profile makeovers, or I will be seriously considering a celibate future rich with erotic fiction and luxuriously-scented water-based lotions.