Get Off My Cloud
Wonder what everyone did before reality TV and the Internet? Probably enjoyed a book or a conversation or two. Most people I know, myself included waste hours on the Internet. Just the other day I found myself reading an article, “Ten things that mean you are dying”
Well as Bob Dylan said, “Once born you are just busying dying”. But that wasn’t one of the ten. My first inclination was “can’t breath” but that didn’t make the Top 10, either. Or how about “can’t open eyes” or “see only bright light”. Nope. Basically if you bought some elixir you would live forever. I’m not sure it was true. Of course the Internet was brought to us by the founder of that other hoax global warming: Al Gore. ”Hey Al come surfing with me in New Hampshire in January. You won’t be able to find your man parts for two days they’ll be shrunk so small. How’s that for warming.” I decided to just bid on something on eBay I couldn’t possibly need or use but it had a skull logo and looked cool.
Speaking of buying on the Internet, you get a lot of great deals. In addition to saving money you can buy all kinds of exotic goods. Just the other day I tried to buy some coca leaf tea from Peru by way of Hong Kong. Shockingly my credit card was charged instantly. The tea didn’t arrive for about four weeks and the order was completely wrong. Before the Internet how else could I be taken by a total stranger half way across the world?
Got an e-mail from Google the other day. I should update my “Drive” to “Chrome”. Didn’t even know I had a Google “Drive”. Not sure why I would need chrome on anything other than my motorcycle. I tried the upgrade but like my nuts in the New Hampshire winter waters, I couldn’t find my “Drive”. Nonetheless I just kept clicking on links bring up different pages until I was really, really frustrated. Another fifteen minutes completely wasted and closer to death. Finally, I figured I’ve made it this far without a Google Drive could probably go another couple of years until they make it user friendly. I decided to go to Facebook and wonder why a great guy and famous author like me can’t get more than 62 friends.
Apple keeps sending me notifications telling me to check my “Cloud”. I need to make sure everything is backed up in my Cloud. I keep looking up but the only cloud I see is the same black one that’s been following me for years. Seriously, I don’t know where my Apple Cloud is, how to get to it, or what is in it. I bet most people don’t. So I tried to get this “Semi-Nude photos of Jennifer Anniston” pop-up off my screen. I mean Brad Pitt had full nudity in real life and left so how good can the Internet photos be?
Finally, had this long document in PDF I didn’t want to re-type. So I figured in this day and age I should be able to convert the document to word. Google drive said it could do it. But apparently if the document is longer than say one sentence, Google ain’t much help. Tried putting the document in the Apple Cloud. Not sure if it ever got there but if it did I have no idea how to get it out much less as a word document. After about three hours (twice as long as it would have taken me to re-type the document) I paid Adobe $20 to convert the file. Good thing about that is now I’ll get three emails a day from Adobe trying to sell me crap.
KOKO
