October 4, 2012: And a few recent big screen disappointments!

In yesterday’s blog entry, I ran down a list of movies so bad, they actually hurt.  They hurt because, at the time I paid the ticket price to sit in a theater and watch them, I was far less jaded and a long way from the embittered, hyper-critical viewer I am today.  The five movies I listed were special because each, in its own way, contributed to forever ruining the movie-going experience for me.  As a result, nowadays, whenever I take in a movie, I go in with tempered expectations.  But still, there are times when I can’t help myself, when I’ll see a movie and think “Hey, this looks pretty good!”, even (shockingly!) look forward to a movie with a certain amount of excitement.  Most of the time, I come away disappointed.  Some of the time, however, I come away with a range of negative emotions: anger, frustration, irritation, and the occasional depression.  You would think I’d learned my lesson by now.

SUCKER PUNCH

The trailer is amazing.  Girls!  Guns!  Spectacular visual effects!  And Zack Snyder at the helm!  All undone by a tiresome, meandering story and an ending clearly inspired by another big screen disappointment, Brazil (file that one under “Movies I Hated That Everyone Else Loved”). I really, REALLY wanted to like this movie but, ultimately, came away disappointed and even a little sad.    What could have been…

MEET THE FOCKERS

I don’t get it.  Same director.  Same writers.  Same cast.  The sequel should have been as good (or close to as good) as the original, Meet the Parents, a film that stands as one of my favorite comedies (somewhere between the brilliant Trains, Planes and Automobiles and the movie I’ll reference in the next paragraph).  It was, instead, a stupid and tired retread of the endless stupid and tired American Pie movies.

 THE HANGOVER II

I wasn’t the only one to declare this sequel to the 2009 box-office smash an uninspired dud, but I was surprised by the fact that much of the criticism leveled against this movie  focused on its repetitive nature.  It was, many felt, more or less the same movie as the original. I would emphatically disagree.  The first movie was actually funny whereas this movie was surprisingly laugh-free.  And I hear they’re making another one.  Given the law of diminishing returns, I fear that watching the third installment may cause irreperable brain damage.

SPIDERMAN 2

Perhaps more maddening than the movie itself were the critics who proclaimed this sequel superior to the original.  Uh, no.  I leave the details to our guest film reviewer, Cookie Monster (Spiderman 2) but suffice it to say this movie was nowhere near as good as the first Spiderman movie.  While X-Men 2 improved on its very good predecessor, Spiderman 2 followed up the webslinger’s first big screen foray with a cheesy, silly, at times frustratingly ridiculous outing.

ASSAULT GIRLS

What do you mean YOU’RE not surprised.  Look at the trailer:

Sadly, it made absolutely NO SENSE.

What do you mean YOU’RE not surprised?!