Poser is Posering

I'm feeling like a bit of a fraud at the moment. And that seems a really apt theme for the Insecure Writers Support Group, so I am going with that.



First... since I haven't said it in a long time... if you aren't FAMILIAR with the Insecure Writers Support Group... you are WELCOME to join! As people committed to writing, we ALL get insecure. And we can ALL feel alone. But while the details may differ from person to person, there is amazing overlap in what we all go through. And if we all support each other—sharing both good and bad to encourage and commiserate as needed, then THAT is good for all of us. It is the first Wednesday of every month (today).





Now... On to being a Big Giant Poser.



So today I have my third BOOK EVENT. It is the second one that is not all about me... The last one was a book fair and went well, though I felt like a poser THERE, too... see all the other authors had several books and I felt silly there with my ONE. I think this afternoon I am even on a panel... I know I have a TIME. It is for the 20th Anniversary of Aunt Agatha's Mystery Bookstore and I'm excited, but NERVOUS... being the one-book poser and all...





But the other reason I feel like a poser of late...



See, I've always envisioned 'just keep writing' and eventually the sales will snowball and I will BE THERE. And I'm not doing badly. I've written 13 books... I have one book out of a three book contract... but the books are coming out almost a year apart...



And... now here is the hard part... I have FRIENDS... Great friends who I am THRILLED FOR... who have caught this snowball phase... friends with three or four books a YEAR coming out now. And I am SO HAPPY FOR THEM. Seriously. How could I NOT be? I'm proud. I know how hard they have worked. But I'm feeling left behind. Like I'm doing something WRONG.



I know part of it is working a full-time day job. At least two or three more works would be ready to shop by now if I didn't have that. So there is some Sugar Daddy envy... not that being the at home parent is just sitting around. But neither is it being gone 10 hours a day. It has some flexibility in there, at least if kids are in school. And I really shouldn't pout on this front, because at least two of my snowballing friends work a lot, too. It's just me pouting... being a baby... trying to make myself feel more like it is circumstantial and less like I'm just a giant POSER.





Anybody else get feeling down by these upward comparisons? I think I will lend you a stanza from a Cheryl Crow song that I try to keep in mind when I get that way.





And you should know... even posers can rock it...

From Soak Up The Sun



I don't have digital

I don't have diddly squat

It's not having what you want

It's wanting what you've got



[CHORUS:]

I'm gonna soak up the sun

Gonna tell everyone

To lighten up (I'm gonna tell 'em that)

I've got no one to blame

For every time I feel lame

I'm looking up





We need to enjoy the experience we ARE having, have fun, and quit comparing ourselves. Every time I feel lame I'm looking up.