ATTENTION NOVELISTS!

So you've finished your 111,000-word masterpiece, and you've sent it off to your literary agent. She will love it and submit it to publishers right away. You know she will. And then your life on the literary A-list will begin.

*glancing at watch*

Trouble is, you're not your agent's only client. And her job involves a lot more than reading her clients' manuscripts. You have to wait a little longer to use your seven-figure advance to hire a personal chef. It's fish sticks again tonight, folks.

Con...