Do You Think Your Writing is Crap?

Do you think your writing is crap?

Never admit your insecurities. That’s a rule, right? Haven’t they been drilling that into our heads since some do-gooder way back in the eighties decided that students needed pep talks from inspirational speakers.  So come on, everyone! Put on your well-worn mask of confidence. (It sits on the dresser between your mask of enthusiasm and your mask of extroversion.)

Well enough of that. The mask pinches my nose and it makes me cranky. I’m here to admit straight up that sometimes – not always mind you – but sometimes I’m pretty sure every single thing I’ve ever written, both published and unpublished, is complete and utter crap.

(Including this blog posting. So keep reading if you’re interested in crap.)

Just this weekend I had the honour of being awarded First Prize in the Alice Munro Short Story Competition. You’d think this win would be just the pep talk I needed to gain some confidence in myself as a writer. Of course not! Our insecurities are deeply rooted, as is my distrust of authority figures, including Literary Judges.

Surely they got it wrong, or else I won simply because I set the story in Alice-Munro-country, that beautiful agricultural community to the east of Lake Huron. And please don’t tell me I won because I hail from Alice-Munro-country. At least I was told the judging was blind.

I told my husband my misgivings and he scoffed. You won because you’re a good writer. But when I reread my winning story I found entire sections that I would have edited and changed. As much praise as I received for this short story, I’m not overly proud of it. I’m not ashamed of it. Parts of it are quite good. But it doesn’t make me proud.

I’ve written other stories of which I’m far more proud, but these stories haven’t received any of the praise that my Alice-Munro-setting short story has received. Maybe these other stories just haven’t found their target audience, or maybe it’s their potential that I’m proud of but just haven’t worked on them enough yet.

Or maybe I’m wrong in what I think is good writing.

Or maybe, just maybe, those annoying inspirational speakers have it all wrong. Maybe the danger is in thinking that your writing is any good. Maybe, in order to be really good at writing, you have to be convinced that you’re not. Isn’t over-confidence a sure way to fail? Didn’t Aesop and the hare teach us that when we were in kindergarten?

Mary Wolfe, a former bookstore owner and dear friend of Ms. Munro, said in her keynote address at the banquet that one of Ms. Munro’s fears is that at some point, perhaps after her death, people will finally figure out that she’s not the great writer they all believe her to be.

I took heart in that. Not to put words in her mouth, but if Alice Munro sometimes thinks her work is crap, then it’s only natural that the rest of us should too.

Of course I realize that having zero confidence is a sure way to fail as well, but I think we can all use a bit of realism in our lives.

So here’s to thinking your writing’s crap! I think it might be the only way to become great.