The Abundance of Friendship

When my daughters were in middle school, their main goal was to be popular. They wanted as many “friends” as they could get. Every outfit, hairdo and other accessory was geared toward garnering attention. They weren’t the only ones with this agenda. Many other middle school girls and boys were after the same thing. Having an abundance of friends was the goal. As a mom, I wasn’t so sure that should be their focus.

Both my girls were pretty good at collecting friends. While I was happy to see them easily socializing at a time when kids can be cruel and isolating, I was also concerned. I wondered if they were being wise about the people they were hanging around. How were they going to dig deep and get to know these other pre-teens and teens?

Being the nosey, I mean, concerned mom that I am, I asked them. “Do you get to know all these kids? For you to say they’re your friends, you have to establish a real relationship with them. Friendships take time, commitment and loyalty just to name a few things. Do you have that with each of these people you tell me about every day?” First, they looked at me like I had four heads. Then they said, “Mom, that’s old fashioned. We just want a lot of people to know us and like us. We want to be popular.”

I sighed and then decided that my goal was to pray that before they began high school they’d learn to focus on the abundance of friendship instead of the abundance of friends. I wanted them to learn three important things.

• The number of friends is not nearly as important as the quality of friends.

• Abundance doesn’t always revolve around a number

• Popular doesn’t always equal happiness or joy. And joy is something God wants us to have in abundance.

Middle school was a major struggle. With my two girls being just a grade apart, I was often assaulted with the same problems over and over. Most had some connection to that desire to be popular. It was hard to keep praying and not see the fruit yet. But in my abundance of time on my knees a seed was planted. Then in high school, it bloomed. I’ll never forget the day my oldest came to me and said “I’m cleaning house. I don’t need or want all those people around. I just need my real friends.” With my younger one it took a different form. God just started removing from her, one way or another, those who weren’t true friends to her. You see she had held onto that “abundance” theory much longer than her sister had. But as God did His work, she saw what I hoped she would see.

They seem happier now that they’re not chasing having a certain number of hangers on. I’m glad they see the value in quality over quality. There’s plenty to be thankful for with the people who’ve truly invested in their lives and vice versa. And to me, that’s really what abundance is all about in relationships.