How to Catch Husband Cheating: Is He Cheating? Let’s Find Out.

Dear Lisa,

I’m freaking out of my mind.  I keep catching my husband in stupid lies that don’t make any sense, and I’m beginning to think he might be having an affair.  He’s been sleeping with his cell phone under his pillow, and he’s getting A LOT more texts than usual.  He tells me it’s work related, but I’m not a moron.  How many work texts can really be buzzing around at 2 am?  We have three kids under 6, and I’m a stay at home mom.  I love my husband, and I have dedicated the last ten years of my life to him and to raising our family.  It will kill me if he’s been with someone else. I don’t know what to do.

What do you think, is my husband cheating?  Please help.

Need Help With How to Catch Husband Cheating

Dear How to Catch Husband Cheating,

You’re right to be suspicious, the weird 2 am texts and the fact that he’s suddenly lying to you are both big red flags that your husband might be having an affair.  But let’s not panic yet — and whatever you do, don’t confront him right now.  If you confront him on infidelity or affairs before you get all your ducks in a row, things can go horribly, horribly wrong — namely:

1) He’ll just get better at hiding his affair, and you’ll be tortured by the fact that you may never know the truth about whether or not he is cheating

2) He’ll use the confrontation as an excuse to either get out of the house and go call or see his mistress, or impulsively break off the relationship before you’ve had a chance to figure out what you want to do next. If were just the two of you, you’d probably say good riddance, but with little kids involved, what to do about affairs and infidelity becomes a hell of a lot more complicated.

No doubt, NOT confronting him with your biggest fears (that he’s screwing around, addicted to porn, or doing something else he shouldn’t be doing) is absolutely one of the toughest things you’ll have to do when you’re in this situation.  After all, you’re probably not sleeping, you can’t stop thinking about whether or not he is cheating night and day, you’re starting to wonder if ANYTHING that he says (or EVER said) is even true.

It’s brutal.

The only way you’re going to know for sure is to do a little more investigation, and try to put all the puzzle pieces together. And maybe you’ll find out that what you’ve been worrying about isn’t really happening. Or that it was some big misunderstanding. The reality, unfortunately, is that you’re probably having these feelings for a reason.

85% of women who suspect their husband of cheating are RIGHT

The good news is that men are utterly and completely predictable when they cheat. Which makes husbands cheating on their wives fairly easy to catch.

Here’s what you need to do:

1) Start keeping a cheating journal. Write down anything that feels suspicious (even if you don’t know why) including lies you catch him in, strange numbers that appear on his phone, and any women who are suddenly making you feel uncomfortable.

2) Channel Stephanie Plum and start investigating. (Two places in particular you’d never think of just happen to be the two places where cheaters are the laziest and often forget to cover their tracks: The bathroom and the car.) In Is He Cheating, I tell you exactly where to look in these evidence goldmines. You won’t believe you’re married to such an idiot. (And he must be, if he’s messing around on you.)

3) Lojack the bastard Your life, and your children’s family and security is at stake. Which means you need answers and you need them right now. Sometimes you have to break out the spy gear to catch a cheater.

4) Don’t let him weasel out of it. That means you need to know exactly what you want before you have the talk. Are you going to drag his butt to therapy? Throw his Xbox and his stupid polo shirts out on the lawn? Make him sleep in the garage for the next decade? Do you want an apology, answers, or details? Or maybe all three?

Hope that helps for now. The truth is that your brain is going to be going round and round of that hamster wheel from hell until you know exactly what’s going on.

Get the cheating book, let me know if it helps. Is he cheating on you? There’s one way to find out for sure.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you.

xo,