Self-Conscious to Self-Aware

How delightful it is when we watch little kids dance. We see their freedom and joy, and it makes us smile. How delightful it is when we see “older” people dance. We see their freedom and joy (and gracefulness), and it makes us smile.

Little kids don’t know anything but expressing themselves. Older folks arrive back to expressing themselves freely and they’ve stopped giving a rip about what others think.

What about all the in-between years? Why don’t we dance? The bulk of life is those in-between years. Why do we hold back? I hear your reply. So I respond: Why do we care so much about what other people think?

Little kids live life. Do you live life? Fully, freely? When is the last time you twirled? What’s stopping you?

Do you refrain because Other People will think you’re nuts? Who exactly are those Other People? Have they been issued a badge to follow you around and observe you? Will they haul you off and lock you up if they see you acting silly?

Let me look that up. Hmm. Misdemeanor for joyful expression. Don’t see that.

Feeling self-conscious is learned behavior. The beauty of learned behavior is that we can unlearn it.

The actual definition of self-conscious is “aware of one’s existence.” Nothing wrong with that. The being unduly aware of oneself as the object of the attention of others comes next. When we think others are placing attention on us, negative attention, we feel embarrassed and that is what we call self-conscious.

I like this definition of self-conscious the best: “Aware of oneself as an individual or of one’s own being, actions, or thoughts.”

That is what I teach in my joy programs. Awareness. No pressure, no judging, no comparison. No embarrassment. Simply becoming aware of oneself and noticing one’s own being, actions, and thoughts. Holy cow, there’s power in that.

I hereby give you the badge and proclaim you the Follower Arounder of You. Notice yourself. Pay attention to you, your being. Pay attention to your actions and thoughts.

Where/when/how do you hold yourself back? Why?

Where/when/how do you berate yourself? Why?

Where/when/how do you compare yourself? Why?

Where/when/how do you judge yourself? Why?

Where/when/how are you kind to yourself? How often does that occur? Why?

As adults we are self-conscious in that we are aware of our existence. That’s a good thing. Little ones don’t grasp that. As an adult, you also place rules on yourself. Learned behavior over the years. Are you a hard taskmaster? Do you ever cut yourself some slack?

For this next week, be the Follower Arounder of You. Take notes. How often do you say “I can’t do that”? Why can’t you? Is it because Other People will give you a sideways glance? First of all, no bodily harm occurs from a sideways glance. Secondly, perhaps Other People are slightly envious that you have the guts to twirl in the produce department. Maybe Other People secretly want permission to have fun. Maybe you can be an inspiration. Hmmm.

The badge of being the observer of yourself leads to the next badge, the badge of courage. First you notice what you do and think, and then you adjust accordingly. If, for example, you think you CAN’T have pancakes for supper, ask yourself if you WANT pancakes for supper. If so, have pancakes for supper.

If the sky doesn’t fall on you, lightning doesn’t strike you dead, and the Breakfast Food Police don’t bang down your door, proceed on.

If you think you CAN’T go back to school, ask yourself if you WANT to go back to school. If so, go back to school. If you think you CAN’T say no to the committee invitation, ask yourself if you WANT to say no to the invitation. If so, say no. If you think you CAN’T dance at the local hoedown, ask yourself if you WANT to dance. If so, dance.

Start noticing how you hold yourself back, in big and small ways, in silly and serious ways. Start noticing how if you try one tiny thing, the world doesn’t engulf you, embarrassment doesn’t kill you, and the earth doesn’t spin off its axis.

Notice how much pressure you put on yourself. Notice how tense you feel. Notice how you feel when you allow yourself to do something you actually want to do. The joy of being adult is that you get to make the rules for your own life. Don’t fall prey to those in the world who think otherwise. What do YOU think? Ask yourself.

You get to be card-carrying, badge-wearing boss of you. This is your life. Don’t wait until you are “old” to have fun. Don’t postpone joy because of fear of embarrassment. Try something now. When you see that Other People’s opinions do not penetrate your internal organs, you will try something else, and then something else.

Before you know it, you will be an adult having fun. Go ahead and twirl.

(To discover how you can cut through the layers holding you back, the Joy Beyond Your Dreams life mastery program is enrolling now.)