Drew on writing

Three tips to writing with a partner Writing with a partner is a lot like being married. Here are three tips to making a success of both. ‘The sum is greater than the parts’ is certainly true when talking about an idea with someone equally passionate about the subject at hand. 

It also reminds me of the kind of after-class chemistry experiment at school where one lab partner brings half the mix and the other adds theirs and next thing you know, you’re banned from going near the science resources for a term. Ahh, sweet memories.

Talking with a writing partner about your ideas is even more exciting.

Writing with a writing partner is not always as exciting at times.

It’s not surprising when you think about it. It’s much the same as the difference between the ease of talking about writing as compared to the act of writing.

Talking is free and undisciplined, often stream of consciousness, full of ‘what ifs’ and without consequences.

Writing, though, is very disciplined, precise, often playing catch-up with the mind, and loaded with consequences. 

But insanely addictive and once you’re bitten by it, your mind is unsettled - tortured even - until you write it out.

Writing with a partner is like that but worse.

When you’re new at writing with a partner, you are either still writing for fun and discovering what you can do - or you’ve been a writer on your own for ages and have to make a wonderful but weird transition to sharing a mind with another person.

When I first married Mik, I was just so thrilled to wake up and stare at my beautiful sleeping wife, amazed this scene was real. Then, I’d get up and, as usual, bang around the house causing said beautiful wife to become, er, the grump of grump kingdom.

It was my fault, true, for never having practiced moving doors, cutlery and other surprisingly loud objects in ways that don’t wake sleeping wives. Not something I’d had to think about before.

Music that massages the windows with wonderful waves of air pressure produced by big speaker cones also turns out to be a no-no.

Weird apparatus now fills bathroom shelves and other oddities like eggplant and peppers appear in abundance in your fridge.

It’s like that when you’ve been used to writing by yourself and find an awesome writing partner. It’s soooooo awesome when you talk out the ideas and sooooooo not awesome at the start when you find that you have such different approaches.

But it’s worth figuring out how to get it right. This too, I say wholeheartedly, with experience.

The keys to writing with a writing partner are, not surprisingly, similar to the keys to a good marriage. I’ve been married for over a decade and a half, and have a great marriage.

Now.

Once I got used to not blasting the windows from their panes with my ‘wake up the world’ must - and once my beautiful wife got used to the fact that it was impossible for me to move around the house without banging stuff.

There are more, but here are three tips to writing with a partner:

Tip one
Remember that your similarities make you compatible but your differences make it exciting.

That works for writing together as much as being together as a couple. 

You both have the same goal: make it awesome.

Really.

Think about it: neither of you want to end up with a rubbish story. So as long as you’re not brain-dead, no suggestion is designed to make the story worse.

Rather than getting frustrated at the different approaches, remember that your writing partner doesn’t want you to drive the car off the road and off the cliff. And whatever it is you’ve just written when they stiffen and yelp makes them think you’re about to do that.

Tip two

Shut up and listen.

Physically reeeeeeally easy to do. Almost never happens. When your new. Happens nearly all the time when you’re experienced.

While you’re listening, keep remembering the principle behind key number one: They just want it to be awesome.

It’s like the way said beautiful wife gives you ‘that look’ when you are about to cook sausages for breakfast. Now, you think she’s being a picky pain in the patootie. But she just wants you to look awesome and she’s trying desperately to stop you looking like one of those passengers on the spaceship in Pixar’s Wall-E.

Now getting all uppity might make her eventually leave you alone, but think about your supposed victory: You get to have another chin, wear maternity shirts or tents rebranded as big man clothing, push a wheelbarrow around to keep your overhanging gut from banging your knees, look less attractive and die early. Hoorah!

See? She just wanted you to stay ‘wantable.’ It’s a good thing.

Same with writing. Shut up and listen. Your writing partner wants your story to stay ‘wantable.’

Tip three

It’s not all about you.

One of the most common ‘problems’ I’ve heard from couples in trouble is: “I’m not getting what I wanted out of this relationship.”

Let me follow that my sharing one of the most common places that statement takes said statees. From unsuccessful relationship to unsuccessful relationship to unsuccessful relationship.

The best relationships are those made up of two givers.

Not one demander and one doormat. TWO givers. (Thankfully, you can tell BEFORE you end up together if you have your eyes open and your brain turned on… just listen to what comes out of their mouths the most (if it’s “I”, BZZZZZZZ, thank you for playing the game but you’re out) and watch them around others when they don’t think you’re watching.)

There’s always a cost to friendship. Even if it’s your time, or understanding or your willingness to forgive. As long as it’s a two-way street, it’s always worth the effort. But you just gotta know that a good one will still cost you.

So too with writing partnerships. You have to give up some freedoms. The freedom to write dead end ideas, for one. The freedom to write non-commercial work that satisfies your intellectual imaginings but that will have you out working another job because no one else wants to buy it. The freedom to load your book with double chins and beer guts that make it far less attractive to potential readers. The freedom to have your writing career die early.

But as with a good relationship, a writing partner brings differences and strengths that make you and your work more exciting.

So, deal with the “don’t read over my shoulder” and “stop pacing, it’s putting me off” moments and go make a coffee, sketch some new scenes out on paper and embrace the strengths of your writing partner.

Your characters will be more rich, people will want to spend time with them and your story lines, threads, arcs and possibilities will be far more engaging.

You’ll even learn to work together seamlessly and your results will always be better than the sum of your parts.

Dedicated to Mik, my wife and most excellent writing partner.

Drew