Speaking of Greyson...

...I need a heads-up sign for our gate.* A sign which says something other than BEWARE OF DOG in giant red letters on a black background like some kind of minimalist horror novel cover from the 80s. I hate those signs, because they make my lovable puppy sound like a slathering kitten-killing** maniac.

I'd like to see something more like:
BE AWARE THAT A LARGE DOG LIVES HERE. SOMETIMES HE HANGS AROUND OUTSIDE. LIKE NOW, MAYBE - OR MAYBE NOT. EITHER WAY, STAY ON THIS SIDE OF THE GATE IF YOU ARE NO GREAT FAN OF BIG DOGS. JUST SAYIN'.
I mean, I don't want to make him sound like a MASSIVE ANGRY MOFO what will TAKE YOUR FACE OFF FOR LOOKING AT HIM FUNNY, but I don't want to make him sound too cuddly, either. Our neighborhood is pretty nice, but it hasn't been that nice for that long, and it has its...moments.

But yes, yes. I know. He IS cuddly.

He's a ridiculous already-a-giant hug-loving puppy-beast ... until it's 3:00 in the morning and there's a wayward raccoon lurking UNINVITED under the living room windows - in which case he turns into a cross between Woody Allen and Cujo: existentially fretful, but ready to make with the face-tearing as necessary.

He will be an excellent guard dog. Guarding kittens, I think - that would be his preference. But he'll settle for us, possibly because we hoard all the tennis balls and cheese in the whole wide world, so far as he knows. Hey, we'll take it.

Now: Do I have to make myself such a sign?
Or can the internet provide?


* The heads up is needed for the sake of delivery guys, who've gotten into the habit of sometimes leaving packages at our back door. I feel like they deserve a warning, because honestly, I don't know how he'd react to a stranger letting himself into the yard.
** He is vicious to kittens, yes.