Making Heaven Part 2

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

It doesn't feel very blessed to be in mourning. Most of the time it feels like a curse, like being stuck in the eye with a needle at every moment. And I HATE it when people tell me that at least I will learn sympathy for others in the same situation. I like to believe that I have the imagination to have sympathy for people in terrible situations without having lived in them myself.

And yet, there are people for whom imagination is not sufficient. Being in mourning does teach them to know how to comfort others. And for me, being in mourning taught me some things that I don't know that other people were willing to tell me. Because not everyone is open with what mourning is really like. You can ask and ask, and they just won't tell you. Partly because it hurts too much and partly because they aren't articulate enough.

I am articulate. I'm a writer and I have certain skills. I have told many stories about mourning since I lost my daughter at birth. And me telling those stories has, I believe, created a world in which other people (even those who have not suffered the same way I have) understand mourning better. Creating that world where mourners find comfort from those who mourn as they do and those who don't is part of creating heaven on earth, isn't it?

So blessed are those that mourn, for they must create a world in which mourners are comforted. Sometimes they will comfort themselves and sometimes they will teach others how to comfort, even if that is not what they wanted to do. They will do it even so because by expressing their mourning, they teach. And by refusing to express it, they also teach.

Figuring how to comfort is one of the most difficult tasks of those who are not in mourning right now. You must ask. You must be willing to listen to the worst. You must resist the temptation to say things that only comfort you, or that wipe away the mourning. You must actually MOURN with those that mourn, in order to comfort them. Bringing them food does not give you points when they are throwing up constantly with grief.