The bare (literally!) bones of a simple diet

Yes! Finally! A diet that makes sense to me!

Eat naked.

Marisa Miller, a model for Victoria’s Secret, recently revealed (no pun intended!) her own diet tips for keeping off extra weight. In case you missed it, she told a Fox News reporter that “Eating smart is all about having an awareness of your body. The most obvious way to do that is by seeing it.”

I totally agree. I know that I’m oblivious to my body when I’ve got clothes on. That, in fact, is one of the reasons I wear clothes – so I don’t have to think about my body. I have lots of other things to think about, like writing deadlines, picking up groceries, scrubbing out the shower drain, string theory. If I were naked all the time, I’d never get anything done, because I’d be thinking “I’m naked. I’m naked. I’m naked.” It would definitely cut deeply into my productivity.

(Another reason I wear clothes is because it gets freaking cold here in Minnesota. Naked is not fun when it’s 30 below zero, but I’m guessing that Ms. Miller lives in a tropical climate where she never sees the downside of 75 degrees Fahrenheit. Not that I know for a fact that naked is not fun when it’s 30 below zero, but speaking theoretically I think it’s a pretty safe guess. Has anyone done a study of that yet? At what degree mark is it no longer fun to be naked? I expect there’s probably some cultural variations, too – Eskimos might tolerate a lower not-fun temperature than the natives of Fiji. Now that I think about it, this might be uncharted territory that I could turn into some kind of study proposal. I could become the Naked Happiness Expert. I bet I could get government money for it, too, since they bail out – I mean fund – just about anyone anymore.)

But back to Marissa’s diet trick. When I first read the article, I thought she meant that you’d lose weight because if you eat naked, you can clearly see that the food you’re eating is going to go somewhere – like right to your thighs or belly – and so your naked body would be a reminder not to eat so much.

Then I read it again, and I realized I’d missed the other part of her quote. She said “So when you’re trying to lose weight, spend more time wearing less. I don’t think I could eat a plate of nachos naked — could you?”

Ah. So she’s of the opinion that the less you wear, the less you’ll eat because you feel awkward eating while naked.

Oh.

Then the reverse must be true: if you’re not uncomfortable being naked, you’ll eat more.

I think I just found a major flaw in the diet plan…