The Kafkaesque Mess that is LAX

Oh, man. I hate complaining, but sometimes in life it's either (a) really therapeutic or (b) really necessary. This might be both, but hopefully it's also entertaining. Yesterday, we were stuck at the airport for hours. I tweeted:

Because of @americanair, my kids have been stuck in an airport all day. twitpic.com/ao2u1s

— Matthue Roth (@matthue) August 26, 2012

And they very nicely (if obliquely) replied:

@matthue Sorry for the delay Matt. What is the flight number?

— American Airlines (@AmericanAir) August 26, 2012

So this is what I wrote back. (Start reading from the bottom, if you're curious.)

Or come back tomorrow? I promise I'll have something more fun.

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir And then during landing, an overhead compartment popped open and the luggage almost fell onto people. That's all.

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4h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir I don't approve of censorship at all, and I appreciate sex and violence, but not when my 4-year-old's asking me about it.

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4h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir Half an hour later, there were naked people getting it on onscreen.

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4h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir 5 minutes in, my daughter asked me why all the soldiers were getting dead by explosions.

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4h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir I know I'm pushing this. But the ACTUAL film you showed? On the one monitor for our section? "The Lucky One."

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4h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir On the plane, squished together and miserable, we had to watch a promotional video about how AA just bought spacious new planes

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4h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir We finally made it on the THIRD flight. And the gate attendant was incredibly nice (I forget her name.)

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4h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir Then we stood by AGAIN. My kids responded with uncharacteristic good humor--they played Fruit Ninja for an hour.

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4h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir And, turns out you guys don't have any special consideration for parents. So the first-class standbys got on and we didn't.

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5h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir We were put on the next flight. But, oh wait! It was oversold.

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5h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir We made it. Except, no! It was 5 minutes to takeoff, and the door was already closed.

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5h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir But THEN we raced to the gate. The TSA helper couldn't come. So my 4-year-old pushed the luggage. I took the baby.

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5h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir That part was actually kind of cool, because our older kid was fascinated by the explosive-testing wipes.

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5h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir Then, guess what!--because we had a baby bottle, we had to get additional X-raying and testing.

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5h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir When we were 5 people away from the end, a TSA worker (!!) finally offered to help push a stroller.

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5h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir The line took nearly an hour.

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5h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir My wife stayed behind. I took both kids. But try getting through security with a 2- and 4-year-old -- it is REALLY HARD.

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5h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir We checked one bag, then time ran out on checking the other--so we had to either abandon it in the airport or miss our flight.

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5h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir Then your system took forever printing tickets, & wouldn't recognize my wife's married name (we used it on both ID and ticket)

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5h

Matthue Roth ‏@matthue

@ AmericanAir First, we got to the airport (LAX) and there were only 4 attendants to handle a waiting-room that was like a mosh pit.

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5h