Rudeness – It Saves Lives

There’s a reason that I’ve made it to the tender age of 32 and have never been the victim of a violent crime. Its not my license to carry. Everyone in Florida has one of those. It’s not my knowledge of how to choke a man with his own shirt, which has actually only come in handy one time.

Airplay, anyone?

Nope. It is one tiny personality trait that has saved my white girl serial killer bait ass time and time again. Simply put, I am a massive bitch.

As always, I like to get started off with a little anecdote. Last night, I went to the store around 10 PM due to an emergency, the emergency being that it was 10 PM and I was still sober. Of course, anyone who’s been in a grocery store shortly before closing understands the demographic of patrons during that time period. Pretty much a bunch of shit faced dregs of society buying frozen hot wings and beer with EBT cards.

Anyway, as I’m standing in line with my six pack, there was a pretty blonde in front of me. Couldn’t have been more than twenty-five. In front of her was this 60 year old, pot bellied, wife beater wearing loser who was cashing out his one can of miller lite. She gives this guy a polite half smile and he took it as encouragement to start a drunken, rambling, creepy/flirty conversation with a girl half his age. This douche is leaning all over her, bitching about how his kids never call him and she’s looking awkward and uncomfortable the whole time.

But she was still attempting to be polite.

I wanted to ask her ‘Why?’ Why are you being nice to this guy? Best case scenario, you waste ten minutes of your life listening to some drunken asshole bitch about his kids while he tries to feel you up. Worst case scenario, you’ve just made yourself a target. Why? Because you didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

Fuck his feelings. Here’s why;

Ted Bundy

John Wayne Gacy

Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ted Bundy, who murdered more than 40 women between 1974 and 1978, faked injuries and would request help and gain sympathy from his victims, then would knock them unconscious with a crowbar before strangling them to death.

John Wayne Gacy, AKA the killer clown, murdered 24 people. He got his victims to voluntarily put on handcuffs when requesting help practicing his act. I’ll leave it to your imagination as to what happened after the handcuffs. Hint: It did not include balloon animals.

Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka, murdered at least three women and raped 20 others. They would lure their victims into their vehicle under the pretense of asking for directions.

Ridiculously, I could go on and on with that list. And it bothers me. It bothered me that the girl in line would take a risk of being shoved into the trunk of some asshole’s car because she didn’t want to be impolite.

Occasionally, you just have to say screw politeness. My life is more important that what the guy who lives behind the CVS thinks of me.

Need directions? Try Google.maps. Lost your puppy? Should have had it on a leash. Help with your groceries because you have a broken arm? Do I look like your fucking butler? Those are the reactions I give when a stranger asks me for help. I am a bad, bad samaritan. Judging from the statistics I read tonight, there are thousand victims out there who would have been better off being bad samaritans’ too.

So, when it came my turn to go up to the register and drunken wife beater loser locked eyes with me, he was met with a vacant, slightly hostile, ball shrinking glare and a suggestion that he ‘move the fuck out of the way before I stab him with my car keys’. He called me a bitch under his breath and moved on.

And I’m pretty sure I’m ok with that.