Why Florida Is Weird

We all have to live somewhere.  
Just as I found myself approaching the tail end of grade school, my parents decided that it would be a good time to throw even more major life changes my way (as if puberty weren't enough), so they moved our entire family to South Florida.
Mind you, since we had visited at least once before we moved here, I had an inkling of what to expect. I had already learned the hard way about fire ants.
We moved in Jaunary, leaving behind frozen, slush-filled...