I decided to have a bit more fun …
… with one of my scammers. If you think that I did something very kinky, I have to disappoint you. I just picked one of these people who had commented on one of my pictures on MyDailyFlog and added him on Yahoo Messenger. And again, I didn’t have to wait long.
This time the conversation was a bit different. Actually, I didn’t have that much fun. This guy wanted to have all the basic information about me as soon as possible, right after the first greeting.
Y: Age/married/children?
Is this the FBI or something?
Me: 44/no/no.
Y: Why not?
Me: What exactly do you mean?
Y: Why u are not married? Why no children?
I hesitated. What about being honest this time?
Me: I don’t want to marry and I don’t want children.
Y: You are 44. You must marry now and have children. You are not normal. You no serious.
And then he immediately blocked me… Hang on… Am I rejected because I chose not to marry and have no children? And am I considered to be “not normal” because of these 2 choices? Apparently yes.
My soul mate immediately reacted by saying that this African is from a different culture, with different values, morals, ideas, opinions, … This is their way of life. You marry and you have kids.
Is it? Is this way of thinking really restricted to Africa? I don’t think so. My own experience says that many people outside Africa think this way too. Already when I was just a girl of 7 years old, I had taken the decision not to have any children. And when I talked about this, people reacted in different negative ways. And it sometimes got me into some serious troubles as well.
Teachers told me that I would surely change my mind once I was an adult. Family members told me that I would surely change my mind because what would the neighbors say if I didn’t get married and have any children. School mates mocked me and even bullied me. Neighbors laughed at me. Friends shook their head.
And it didn’t get any easier when I finally became an adult. Boyfriends ended relationships quickly when they found out that I didn’t want marriage nor children. And the ones who stayed with me thought that they would be able to change my mind or that I would change my mind automatically. All my relationships have had a bitter end.
Why? Why no marriage? Probably because right now I don’t feel the need to get married. And also because in Belgium you pay a lot more taxes when you are married instead of living together. Do you like to pay a lot of taxes?
Why no children? I have simply no desire to have any. That’s it. A lot of women can get very emotional when they see babies or children, but I am not one of them. I have got nothing against children, but it’s just not for me. And it’s also a deliberate choice; I have a very busy lifestyle which I love and I don’t want to change it.
When I give these arguments, I get all kinds of reactions. Some people think I am selfish, because I give priority to my personal freedom. Others say that I am not normal, since every woman wants to have children. Some others pity me because I miss the joy of motherhood. And finally, some people say that I don’t really love my soul mate, because otherwise I would have given him a baby.
What about this? Since I spend my working days – with a lot of joy – in a training center that helps to (re)integrate people into society, you cannot call me selfish. Me not being normal? Who defines normality? There are other joys than motherhood and I thoroughly enjoy them! And last but not least, how can you measure my love for my soul mate?
