Human Remote Control

I used to be my parents’ remote control.

They would tell me what channel they wanted; I stood by the television and made it happen.  The first television I can remember was probably a 19″ model with two large dials on the front.  The main knob was on top and had 12 channels, 2-13. It turned with a bass thunk-thunk-thunk.

The other knob was directly below the first. It was the same size, however, it controlled a much larger number of available channels – the UHF spectrum. The feel and sound was higher pitched when you turned it (jink-jink-jink) due to the the smaller cog required to stop at so many channels. That cog, of course, being behind the scenes, under the plastic knob.

Oddly, there weren’t as many active UHF channels even with the greater potential for it.  There were fewer stations that focused on news, which appealed to me as a tike.  Combined, both dials may have yielded 8-10 stations.

Volume adjustments were my responsibility, as well.  And, power – never forget power.  So, even though we didn’t watch TV excessively, I always had job security.

Or, I thought I did.

I went over a friend’s house one day and discovered something amazing.  They had a television with a remote control.  It was wired, but completely blew my mind.  The channel could be changed from across the room with minimal movement.

It was a technological feat of the highest order, of the largest magnitude.  Waistlines everywhere got bigger simultaneously as we relaxed in our recliners sipping soda.

What amuses me most now is that I’ll spend 10 minutes walking around my living room searching for the remote control.  All the while, though I am skilled in the forgotten art of changing channels manually, I rarely think about simply walking over to the television set (now a big flat screen job) and just tapping on the buttons…