what have I done?

I paid my tuition fees this morning.  I'm now full time with the OU, taking a big physics survey course and the dreaded MST209, about which I've quaked in the past. I've consulted with lots of people and it seems that, despite having performed not-so-well on the MS221 exam, I'm considered as ready for this level of challenge as I'll ever be. I've been waffling for a good month, and today I made up my mind.

So here's the thing.  I have no idea how I will handle the demands of all this learning, but I've been working to prepare academically and also in terms of time management.  A lot of things are going to have to be adjusted in our household--and in my head--to make this possible. Each course is slated at 16 hours per week but anecdotal evidence suggests that MST209 needs more like 25 hours a week, and I know in my heart that I'm going to find it difficult because maths doesn't come naturally to me.  I am mustering all my powers, but my powers are feeling weedy and insignificant just now.

I've come off Twitter. I'm on Facebook mostly because there are course groups there where I can interact with other students.

I feel like I should wave a little flag and say, 'I'm still a writer,' but right now I've got to do this other thing pretty much exclusively. It would have been great if I could have juggled writing with part-time study and raising the family, but it hasn't worked out that way. I hate having to see my writing as an income stream (or not). These studies will eventually get me a job, and then I can go back to my former attitude of who fucking cares what the industrial superfungus wants?

I've still got half an SF novel that...what can I say about it? I think I can safely say it's unlike anything else out there. I want to do it justice.

I'm scared. Did I mention that?

We're just about to leave for the coast for a few days. I'm not taking the computer, so forgive me if any comments go unanswered?