Bumper Stuck

I'd like to talk about something that's been bothering me for a long time now: The decline of bumper stickers in America. It used to be that I could understand someone's opinion based on a well-placed decal without going through all the hassle of talking to that person.

If I wanted to know where someone stood on the next presidential election, boom, it was right there in front of me, idling below the gun rack of a pick up truck. If I wanted to know whose kids were smarter than mine, slam, the parents in the beamer ahead of me had kids who were honor students. And if I wanted to know if there was a baby on board, smash, a sign warned me so that I could protect that minivan from my normally careless driving.

Bumper stickers were perhaps the greatest thing the Greeks ever invented, followed by togas, and the letter Omicron. I still remember Plato's hugely successful sticker "Soma Sema" (The Body is a Tomb), which survived on war chariots well into Roman times.

Bumper stickers take all the messy guess work out of life. I can't tell you how many times I've been born again after staring at a fish for hours on end in rush hour traffic, or how I learned to coexist

from the guy who cut me off as I was trying to merge.

I think I've said enough on this topic. Until next time: Insert Opinion Here.