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To Snoop or Not to Snoop?
Since the beginning of time, the most basic role a parent plays in their child’s life is that of protector. In the early years, it is protection from the elements, starvation, and predators. As the child matures, the protection also evolves, taking the form of teaching them self-preservation. Things like values and how to treat others. During the difficult teenage transition years, there may be times when the child resents some of this parental guidance, seeing it as “mothering” or unnecessary. It is here that parenting is probably the most challenging because the child has no real comprehension of the stark dangers that lurk in the world. I’ll never forget the advice given to me by a friend about my responsibility as a parent: We ALWAYS have the right to protect our sons & daughters.
Sometimes, how to do that is a very tricky issue. Teens are typically moody, private individuals who might not feel comfortable sharing every single intimate thing going on in their life. If this is the case, what is a parent to do? Is it okay to snoop?
Have you ever contemplated taking a peak into your son/daughter’s journal or diary? Or maybe poke around into their Facebook account? Or swipe their cell phone while they sleep to check their text messages?
No?
Why not?
Invasion of privacy you say? Afraid of breaking the sacred bond of trust between you and your no-longer-a-child teenager? Or are you afraid of what you might find?
Journaling, or keeping a diary, is a healthy, productive way to explore feelings and experiences, and is a tool your teen might use. Allowing your teen privacy is giving them your trust, and respect.
Privacy, however, amongst today’s teenagers is a blurred concept. One that contradicts itself in a very conspicuous way. In addition to journals or diaries, today’s teens also use social networking sites, blogs, email, text messaging and IM to reveal their thoughts, opinions and emotions, the most intimate details of their lives, and use them to publicly broadcast them to the universe. Who is dating who, what happened Saturday night and pet peeves are common subjects of discussion. They don’t hold back. They lay it all out there. To them it’s just their generation.
To parents, it’s an unbelievable, unconscionable, and uncontrollable breach of security that simply didn’t exist back in the day. Private thoughts were just that: private. There was no such thing as “broadcasting.” Private thoughts and emotions were restricted to the sanctuary of a diary (and this author didn’t know any guy that wrote his thoughts down in a diary).
And despite all the outlets for this information, teens, by and large, would feel it a violation of their privacy if a parent were to snoop. Can you imagine the look on your child’s face if they caught you recounting a most intimate sexting or IM session? If a parent looks at a teen’s Facebook wall, it’s called “creeping.” As parents, we might step back and say: “what is privacy when today’s teens are so willing to open up their life story to a vast and unpredictable world?” It is a strange contradiction.
But what if you suspect your teen of doing drugs? Or drinking? Or is in an abusive relationship that is escalating toward violence? Or covering for someone in serious trouble? What if the situation were life threatening? Would you still harbor second thoughts about snooping?
It’s easy to justify protection from a pedophile or child molester. No one would argue that. But when the infringing party is a friend or schoolmate, the path quickly degrades into a slippery slope. If you misread the situation, you risk fracturing the trust of your relationship for a long time. Ignore the situation, you may inadvertently allow a catastrophe to happen. What’s a parent to do?
There comes a time when, as such a responsible parent, we have to cross the privacy line to protect our children.
This is when you think their SAFETY is at risk.
Some teens find themselves in situations that they do not have the experience, or wisdom to deal with. You might find your teen extremely secretive, withdrawn, or depressed. You might find your teen angry and hostile to you, where talking it through is no longer an option.
But forewarned is forearmed: be prepared for what you might find. Think seriously about how you will proceed with the information.
Unless the information you uncover is threatening their safety, you had better be ready to swallow the knowledge, and swallow it hard, so that it never surfaces again.
If you do uncover a serious problem in your teen’s life, you are also going to have to explain your means of finding it – there will be a feeling of betrayal. This too will be difficult for your relationship. Take heart however and use this to help stay the course: they will eventually become adults someday and grow to understand the delicate balance. BECAUSE of what you did for them, they too will be able to properly diagnose a situation and know when to cross the line of privacy. It is part of the circle of parental life.
So be cautious, be smart and be brave. Above all, we are there to help our teens through the difficult times, to assure them that they are loved, and that their happiness is our happiness.
Learn more about this growing problem at:
http://www.datingabusestopshere.com/
http://www.datingabusestopshere.com/
To Snoop or Not to Snoop?
Since the beginning of time, the most basic role a parent plays in their child’s life is that of protector. In the early years, it is protection from the elements, starvation, and predators. As the child matures, the protection also evolves, taking the form of teaching them self-preservation. Things like values and how to treat others. During the difficult teenage transition years, there may be times when the child resents some of this parental guidance, seeing it as “mothering” or unnecessary. It is here that parenting is probably the most challenging because the child has no real comprehension of the stark dangers that lurk in the world. I’ll never forget the advice given to me by a friend about my responsibility as a parent: We ALWAYS have the right to protect our sons & daughters.
Sometimes, how to do that is a very tricky issue. Teens are typically moody, private individuals who might not feel comfortable sharing every single intimate thing going on in their life. If this is the case, what is a parent to do? Is it okay to snoop?
Have you ever contemplated taking a peak into your son/daughter’s journal or diary? Or maybe poke around into their Facebook account? Or swipe their cell phone while they sleep to check their text messages?
No?
Why not?
Invasion of privacy you say? Afraid of breaking the sacred bond of trust between you and your no-longer-a-child teenager? Or are you afraid of what you might find?
Journaling, or keeping a diary, is a healthy, productive way to explore feelings and experiences, and is a tool your teen might use. Allowing your teen privacy is giving them your trust, and respect.
Privacy, however, amongst today’s teenagers is a blurred concept. One that contradicts itself in a very conspicuous way. In addition to journals or diaries, today’s teens also use social networking sites, blogs, email, text messaging and IM to reveal their thoughts, opinions and emotions, the most intimate details of their lives, and use them to publicly broadcast them to the universe. Who is dating who, what happened Saturday night and pet peeves are common subjects of discussion. They don’t hold back. They lay it all out there. To them it’s just their generation.
To parents, it’s an unbelievable, unconscionable, and uncontrollable breach of security that simply didn’t exist back in the day. Private thoughts were just that: private. There was no such thing as “broadcasting.” Private thoughts and emotions were restricted to the sanctuary of a diary (and this author didn’t know any guy that wrote his thoughts down in a diary).
And despite all the outlets for this information, teens, by and large, would feel it a violation of their privacy if a parent were to snoop. Can you imagine the look on your child’s face if they caught you recounting a most intimate sexting or IM session? If a parent looks at a teen’s Facebook wall, it’s called “creeping.” As parents, we might step back and say: “what is privacy when today’s teens are so willing to open up their life story to a vast and unpredictable world?” It is a strange contradiction.
But what if you suspect your teen of doing drugs? Or drinking? Or is in an abusive relationship that is escalating toward violence? Or covering for someone in serious trouble? What if the situation were life threatening? Would you still harbor second thoughts about snooping?
It’s easy to justify protection from a pedophile or child molester. No one would argue that. But when the infringing party is a friend or schoolmate, the path quickly degrades into a slippery slope. If you misread the situation, you risk fracturing the trust of your relationship for a long time. Ignore the situation, you may inadvertently allow a catastrophe to happen. What’s a parent to do?
There comes a time when, as such a responsible parent, we have to cross the privacy line to protect our children.
This is when you think their SAFETY is at risk.
Some teens find themselves in situations that they do not have the experience, or wisdom to deal with. You might find your teen extremely secretive, withdrawn, or depressed. You might find your teen angry and hostile to you, where talking it through is no longer an option.
But forewarned is forearmed: be prepared for what you might find. Think seriously about how you will proceed with the information.
Unless the information you uncover is threatening their safety, you had better be ready to swallow the knowledge, and swallow it hard, so that it never surfaces again.
If you do uncover a serious problem in your teen’s life, you are also going to have to explain your means of finding it – there will be a feeling of betrayal. This too will be difficult for your relationship. Take heart however and use this to help stay the course: they will eventually become adults someday and grow to understand the delicate balance. BECAUSE of what you did for them, they too will be able to properly diagnose a situation and know when to cross the line of privacy. It is part of the circle of parental life.
So be cautious, be smart and be brave. Above all, we are there to help our teens through the difficult times, to assure them that they are loved, and that their happiness is our happiness.
Learn more about this growing problem at:
http://www.datingabusestopshere.com/
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message 1:
by
John
(new)
Aug 22, 2012 07:14PM
The explosion of cell phones, IM, text msgs, tweets, etc., has enabled secret communication - all to the disadvantage of the parent who is at a disadvantage to diagnose a potential abusive relationship. No argument that snooping has severe consequences. Best situation is one where your teen has a relationship with you where they feel safe to open up to you about their relationships. So glad your daughter is safe.
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