This Train Don’t Stop Here Anymore (An open letter to Elton) 08.09.12
Dear Elton,
I just wanted to say first and foremost that I think you are an exceptionally talented performer. You have managed to make your way from the seventies, all the way up to this current year and still churn out music, and dip your hands in all facets of creativity. In addition you’ve snagged yourself a pretty great husband in Canadian film director David Furnish. You’ve spoken out on many different things in relation to the gay community and our issues. You’ve stood up for us, and hell you’ve also churned out a classic, timeless song or few along the way.
My first brush with you was when my parents used to play you in the car on trips home from Saskatoon (I was living in Prince Albert at the time). My mother owns Too Low For Zero (my favorite song is “It’s Cold as Christmas”), and I think your version of “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” is superior to the original (Dr. Winston O’ Boogie’s reggae guitars et al). And through the years, you’ve managed to really surprise me with songs that have become contenders in your catalog. And while you weren’t one of my influences when it came to coming out, I was always glad you were in our corner. And while it took you a few years to accept yourself and mature into the queen you are today…you are in part a gay role model.
Except as of late, in which I have been highly disappointed in you. Because despite the music, your marriage and your adopted child, you really come across as a sad vicious queen desperately clamoring for your next fifteen minutes. What exactly am I talking about?
The comments in reference to your feud with Madonna, most recently the vile comments that her career is over. For someone who’s career is like a glass house, and has referenced that it couldn’t happen to a bigger cunt, I do have to stand up and take issue with that. Because see Elton, the sad truth of it is you’re the bigger, sadder cunt if that is the case.
M.D.N.A was a brilliant album, and while you’re probably some fickle, flighty homo whose music listening attention span is probably…oh say five minutes, there’s something to be said about a music artist who is known for pushing the envelope and moving forward instead of moving back. In actuality, she could not have done another Ray Of Light. Maybe you would have enjoyed a rehash, but this album is what you would call a progression. And just because it makes your fucking ears bleed does not mean the rest of the world agrees. And to be honest….when was the last time YOU released music that was relevant?
And no Elton, re-writing a song for a dead blonde doesn’t count. You should have left that one alone.
Saying that Madonna looks like a “fairground stripper” also begs the question, was sticking coke up your arse in the seventies and eighties a plausible excuse for all of the fashion fuck-ups you committed? I mean I guess not everyone can pull off trampy Vegas act as well as you. Well that’s not completely true, David Lee Roth comes a second close…
At the end of the day Elton, dissing Madonna really isn’t going to earn you relevancy points. With the amazing success of her latest tour it’s a no-brainer that Madonna’s career is far from over. Even if her latest album is by commercial standards a flop, she will always land on her feet because she is the queen of pop.
Love you Elton, but please kindly, shut…the…fuck…up.
Sheldon
