Learning….

I spent part of this morning talking to a lady who has an adult son with Asperger’s syndrome.

It was a delightful chat, as we discussed the ways we all made ourselves “stories” about parenting. And yet behind it all lay one unacknowledged story – that she as a parent was somehow to be blamed for having a son who couldn’t be “just like everyone else’s son”. So deep was this story she was telling herself, that she found she was creating dramatic future scenarios in her head about how she thought her son ought to be feeling — rather than observing that he was a reasonably contented and happy person, doing well, and with a huge amount to contribute to the world.

At times all she could see was where he didn’t fit in, rather than seeing the ways he was excelling. In her heart she knows he is kind, polite, helpful, and honest. But she couldn’t feel that fully.

The pressures of the outside world will tend to cause us to feel that way — if we let it. And that’s when we turn what’s beautiful into what’s uneasy, anxious, and sad.