Who Am I If I’m Just Me?
I am reading a few Kristan Higgins books at the moment and just finished “Just One Of The Guys”. The book explores the theme of identity and how it is shaped and influenced by family, friends and community.
If you think about it so much of how we perceive ourselves, our talents, strengths, purpose and opportunities are based on what other people tell us, as well as how we judge ourselves in relation to others.
For example if you are told you are the smart child or the beautiful, athletic… etc by your parents. You inevitably start to believe this to some degree and project this persona into your own construction of yourself. However, your siblings really make up quite a small pool. This talent that you are told you possess is only in comparison to a couple of other people, and so to the population at large may not be that special at all. For example my family are generally not considered sporty at all, so being called ‘athletic’ in my household would be almost meaningless.
On the flip side we generally will look to what others around us are doing to decide on what opportunities are available to us too. If most people we know are going to university, we are more likely to go too. If people we associate with get married young, or travel, drink, smoke, etc, we will also see this as potential activities for ourselves.
I read that the founder of Linkdn said if you want to be successful, hang around other people that are successful. Ie. if you are with people doing what youwant to do, it seems more achievable, and indeed probably is. But what happens of you want to do something that no one else around you is doing? Well you have to work harder:-)
Reading “Just One of the Guys” I was just as interested in how the main character, as well as her siblings and parents grappled with what they wanted, versus their perceptions of what others expected them to be. They all seemed trapped to some extent by these expectations and each dealt with it in different and interesting ways. This perception was also a catalyst for the main issue keeping the hero and heroine apart. All in all it was another good Kristan Higgins book, although I will say that it would be worth separating her books out a bit as The main character used some speech and behaviour patterns that were similar to the heroine in ‘Too Good To Be True’ giving them a sort of ‘sameness’ feel to them.
