Oh, Wait:

I was going to tell you all about the crazy aquarium we purchased about five months ago after Girlfriend accomplished all manner of accomplishments, you know: keep the room clean, make bed, take out trash, weed, yadda yadda for four or five weeks straight and then we went to Petco for an aquarium and then it all began.

Since then, we could have had a community-wide fish fry based on the number of fish that have perished.

That creepy frog Godot escaped and I imagine him waiting for me behind some warmish place (toilet?) and Jumbo, the shrimp, died on Gfriend's bathroom floor after the dogs played with him while we slept. Emily died. Ian hasn't yet, but he's looking like he's ready.

And then I was going to tell you about how I jumped the shark and decided that it was okay to go to a place called Hurricane Harbor, a Six Flags place that is a water park. I should have thought longer and harder about suggesting that we go. We spent 30 bucks a person to get in and then seven bucks for each innertube or whatever you call it. Sheesh. I spent a better part of four hours policing those innertubes. I even confronted a scary dude who decided that he could take one of our five. "That's ours!" I told him. "You don't have an orange wrist band! I'm going to go get my husband! Wait here!" And so, I marched off in my tankini to get HWWV and he was busy so I grabbed my ex-boyfriend/now-a-friend who is decidedly taller and what did he do? He basically said: "Take it, bro; be my guest."

So that's what I get from a tall ex from 30 years ago? He let's the bad guy get one of my innertubes?

That day, I became the innertube fuhrer.

I tell you what: Sometimes I wonder if I should take my knitting to more places. Maybe if I showed that innertube stealer delinquent my needles he would have understood just how crazy I am. And that I'd use them on him, or better yet: force him to watch me knit a round.

I'm sure, after a minute or two of that, he'd give up and let me have my innertube back.

But back to what it is that I wanted to tell you: If you lose someone you love who was very, very sick, when you dream of them, they won't be so sick anymore. They may even be as you remember them when they were healthy.

I didn't believe it when people told me this, but it is true.

When I dream of my mother, she is healthy.

That is what I want you to know.

BTW: Here's a Public Service Announcement. Never use expired 70 SPF sunscreen.