When I Have Fears That I May Be Obese (A Parody)

Some years ago I wrote this parody of John Keats' sonnet "When I Have Fears That I May Cease to Be". I still think it's worth a chuckle. I've put the original after for comparison.

WHEN I have fears that I may be obese,

That my fork's tines will relentlessly pitch

Chocolate cakes and bacon soakéd in grease

Followed by pumpkin pie and fudges rich;

And when I break my fast (well after dawn)

To find it whole before morning is through,

Longing for luncheon while bruncheon is on

Alone at the buffet I form a queue;

And when I quaff caloried elixir

Scorning the straw to slurp from the pail

To wash all food into the great mixer

Of my cavernous craw–then on a scale

   I judge the gravity of what I ate

   And think I'd be fitter at greater weight



I might have missed a syllable or two in there. Sue me! Besides, see my creative commons license below. 

John Keats





Here's the original . . .





WHEN I have fears that I may cease to be

Before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain,

Before high pil`d books, in charact'ry,

Hold like rich garners the full-ripen'd grain;

When I behold, upon the night's starr'd face,

Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,

And feel that I may never live to trace

Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;

And when I feel, fair creature of an hour!

That I shall never look upon thee more,

Never have relish in the faery power

Of unreflecting love;—then on the shore

   Of the wide world I stand alone, and think,

   Till Love and Fame to nothingness do sink.

When I Have Fears That I May Be Obese by Eric Kent Edstrom is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.