COUNTDOWN TO BOOKAGEDDON – 7 DAYS

So IDENTITY, my first book, will be published a week from today. In honor of that, I’m going to try to do something I’ve never done before on my blog:

Write one.

Up until now, it’s all been videos and little informational tidbits.

We’ll see how it goes. Let’s kick it off with a short self-interview, shall we?

Hello, Mark. My name is Mark. Before we get started, I have to admit, I stole this idea from an EW article I read ages ago. In it, Mel Gibson interviews himself. Speaking of Mel Gibson, how do you feel about that hairy rage-monster?

MH: I thought we were going to talk about my book, IDENTITY, on sale now at –

Stop. Let’s be clear: You’re not here to hock your book–you’re here to answer my questions. OK? Now. How do you feel about Mel Gibson?

MH: Mel Gibson … First, let me say this: The $1.99 sale is ONLY for the first two weeks, then–

Answer. The. Question.

MH: Right. Okay, I condemn any sort of violence against women and I’m not an anti-semite, but I love Lethal Weapon. Braveheart is one of my favorite films. I’ll leave it at that.

So you like Mel Gibson?

MH: No, I didn’t say that. I said I really like a few of his movies … ok, probably all of his movies.

So you’d pay to go see a Mel Gibson movie?

MH: No, I didn’t say either.

But you HAVE paid to see a Mel Gibson movie.

MH: I’m sorry, my lawyer is telling me that this is too controversial a subject–

Why are you doing this interview with a lawyer?

MH: Because I’m at home and I’m married to one.

Huh. Really? I’m married to a lawyer too.

MH: That’s because you’re me.

We’re off the subject here. We’ve lost sight of Mel Gibson.

MH: Mel Gibson is not the issue. We’re supposed to be talking about my book, which you can pre-order at–

You have a book?

MH: Yes. I wrote one … we wrote one. It’s called IDENTITY. It’s a business-thriller about a really good guy who everyone confuses for a corrupt money manager. It comes out in a week, remember?

I have no recollection of that. I write screenplays.

MH: You’ve also been writing books for the past seven years.

Seven years? Really? Wow, if this is my first published book, I must suck. How many books have I written?

MH: Four … this is your fourth.

What did I do with the other three?

MH: They’re being edited. Sometimes you have to write a few before you figure out how to write a book … or, maybe more importantly, how to write what sells.

Great! So I figured it out — Davinci Code, baby! Does this mean I’m rich?

MH: Far from it. In fact, you’re broke, unemployed, desperately working on a spec script and a follow up book to IDENTITY. Your kids are hungry and your mortgage needs to be paid.

But I’m married to a lawyer!

MH: Yes, you are.

And she’s a rich corporate lawyer, right?

MH: Actually, she’s a political asylum lawyer.

Political asylum? Do those sorts of clients have a lot of money?

MH: No.

So I’m poor?

MH: Yeah, but you have a book coming out in a week! It’s a big freakin’ deal! And it’s a good book! Something you can be proud of!

Proud don’t pay the bills.

MH: Listen. It’s a business thriller about a mild-mannered businessman who gets confused for a nasty money manager, and–

Just get to it. Are we talking steamy hot sex?

Some.

Violence?

Enough.

Corporate skullduggery?

In SPADES. Do you know how long you’ve been working for this? Let’s tell the world that you can pre-order it now at–

Yes I KNOW how long — you just told me. Seven years and I publish one freakin’ book. That’s depressing. But at least I can console myself at Barnes & Noble when I see my book on the shelf.

MH: Actually…

What?

MH: It’s an eBook first release.

eBook first. The hell does that mean? 

MH: It’s nice talk for: It might come out in print, but the eBook has to do really well first. It’s still a big deal though, it’s being published by Simon & Schuster. They’re a huge publisher and have an awesome team.

But I can’t console myself at Barnes & Noble?

MH: You can, but you’re going to have to do it on one of their Nook demos. Cause there’s no printed book. Listen, print’s going the way of the dinosaurs. Book business is a-boomin’ online.

So you worked on getting published for seven years and it’s only online?

MH: Yep.

You’re crazy.

MH: No, Mel Gibson is crazy. A crazy rage beast.

But his movies are awesome.

MH: I didn’t say that.

But I did and I’m you. 

MH: We live in a complicated world … Speaking of complicated, you can pre-order IDENTITY, my business-thriller–

Do you even know anything about business?

MH: It doesn’t matter if I do or don’t. It’s fiction. I’m allowed to make it up. AND you can pre-order IDENTITY now for just $1.99 (special 2 week sale!) at: amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com and iTunes.com. It’ll be released August 7th. Oh, and if you already pre-ordered it at 4.99, you’ll still only pay 1.99. That’s cheaper than a cappuccino, and I promise this book will stay hot much longer. If you don’t have an eReader, Amazon has a reader you can download to your computer so that you can read it on your computer screen.

Great. You got it all in. I hope you’re happy.

I am indeed. Wanna watch Braveheart?

Absolutely. 

 

IDENTITY, Mark’s first novel, will be released August 7th. It’s an adult book, meaning it’s not suitable for children. If you can handle Michael Crichton and John Grisham, you can handle IDENTITY. You can also read the first chapter at the embed below: