Crocogator!

When I was a kid (Yeah, I know. A lot of my stories begin that way. What of it?) my dad told me stories of the meanest creature that ever walked the earth.

"The crocogator," he said, "is the most dangerous beast to ever slither, fly, or crawl. It has the head of a crocodile on one end, the head of an alligator on the other, and …"

(Wait for it …)

"… it's got no butt-hole to speak of, so it's always constipated! Therefore, it's the most ill-tempered critter in all the world!"

That's my dad for...