Mr Fenis is Coming and He's Bringing Equality With Him.
As a long term advocate for equality amongst all types of folks, it’s been a Shitey month or two on the equality front from my point of view.
We have the Scottish government humming and hawing over the issue of allowing gay marriages. They will eventually do so as its the right thing to do and an important step to true equality; they just need to pull their big brave boy pants up first and stop worrying about offending churches and denominational schools who can opt out just as they do now in say, teaching evolution or advising on contraception (in some cases).
We’ve also had Fifty Shades of Grey Kicking Fifty Shades Of Shite out of the literary sales records (as well as any notion of providing society with a truly strong or even likeable female role model). Rather we have a guide on how to be submissive and impressed by rich, controlling, rapey, creepy wee men under the guide of mummy porn.
If a daughter of mine had the misfortune to encounter and fall in love with a man like Grey under the tried and tested and failed mandate of “I’ll be the one to change him, he only kicks the shit out of me because he’s vulnerable and needs my love”; well let’s say the gentleman of such type courting my daughter would be a baw or two lighter than when he met her.
So what’s got my knickers in a twist today?
Mr Fenis.
Here we have (at last presumably) the great leap forward to make men and women truly equal at the urinal-face.
I was aghast at first upon spotting this appendage/contraption? but as I considered the benefits, I’ve come to welcome the Fenis.
With that in mind, and the assumption that open-plan unisex toilets will quickly become the norm, I’ve constructed a wee user’s cheat sheet to help our sisters to quickly acclimatise to the world of the stand-up pee and save them from any embarrassing faux pas in urinal etiquette:
1)Stand a few inches back from the urinal to avoid “splashback”.
2) If it helps build confidence play around with models of differencing length, shape, girth, colour or religious presentation until you find the Fenis for you. None of these things makes any difference to the peeing capabilities of your Fenis but comfort an confidence is important.
3) Its permissible to steal a glance at a neighbour’s Fenis, but be discreet and don’t stare if you prefer it to yours or if it looks odd. Smugness is allowed if you sport a superior model but covertly is best.
4) If all urinals and cubicles are occupied it is permissible to use the sink but only if the occasion is appropriate; ie, everyone has had a few drinks and nobody is using the sink to wash their hands.
5) Keep vigilant for sinks or urinals in which a desperate user has deposited a jobbie. Never pee without checking.
6) No matter how drunk you are never rest your Fenis on the rim of the urinal to go “hands free” for a wee rest. Picking others’ pubic hair from your Fenis will only confuse you in the morning.
7) Sharing bowls with a friend is fine, but never with a stranger.
8) Never ever cross the streams.
9) As a new Fenis user you will be tempted to enter into pissing contests with other users. Never compete unless you’ve practiced alone and gauged your areas of strength. Determine if you’re a height or distance competitor and choose opponents wisely based on your skill-set.
10) Do not fool yourself into thinking that you can compete with a male penis user. You simply cannot.
11) If you choose to decorate your Fenis do not overdo it. Less is more. There’s no need to coordinate your Fenis with your handbag and/or shoes.
12) if you enter a bathroom where there are three urinals empty, etiquette dictates that you choose the left or the right one. Never select the middle one, other users will judge you.
13) If you wake in the night for a pee be sure to check that your Fenis is not pointing at 90 degrees to your body of straight up. If you cannot get it to point down at the bowl, it is advisable to pee in the shower or bath. Rinse the tiles on completion.
14) Do not share Fenises. If you leave yours at home just sit down in the old style.
15) Nobody cares anymore if you leave the seat up.
16) enjoy your new Fenis.
http://paddysdaddy.files.wordpress.co...
We have the Scottish government humming and hawing over the issue of allowing gay marriages. They will eventually do so as its the right thing to do and an important step to true equality; they just need to pull their big brave boy pants up first and stop worrying about offending churches and denominational schools who can opt out just as they do now in say, teaching evolution or advising on contraception (in some cases).
We’ve also had Fifty Shades of Grey Kicking Fifty Shades Of Shite out of the literary sales records (as well as any notion of providing society with a truly strong or even likeable female role model). Rather we have a guide on how to be submissive and impressed by rich, controlling, rapey, creepy wee men under the guide of mummy porn.
If a daughter of mine had the misfortune to encounter and fall in love with a man like Grey under the tried and tested and failed mandate of “I’ll be the one to change him, he only kicks the shit out of me because he’s vulnerable and needs my love”; well let’s say the gentleman of such type courting my daughter would be a baw or two lighter than when he met her.
So what’s got my knickers in a twist today?
Mr Fenis.
Here we have (at last presumably) the great leap forward to make men and women truly equal at the urinal-face.
I was aghast at first upon spotting this appendage/contraption? but as I considered the benefits, I’ve come to welcome the Fenis.
With that in mind, and the assumption that open-plan unisex toilets will quickly become the norm, I’ve constructed a wee user’s cheat sheet to help our sisters to quickly acclimatise to the world of the stand-up pee and save them from any embarrassing faux pas in urinal etiquette:
1)Stand a few inches back from the urinal to avoid “splashback”.
2) If it helps build confidence play around with models of differencing length, shape, girth, colour or religious presentation until you find the Fenis for you. None of these things makes any difference to the peeing capabilities of your Fenis but comfort an confidence is important.
3) Its permissible to steal a glance at a neighbour’s Fenis, but be discreet and don’t stare if you prefer it to yours or if it looks odd. Smugness is allowed if you sport a superior model but covertly is best.
4) If all urinals and cubicles are occupied it is permissible to use the sink but only if the occasion is appropriate; ie, everyone has had a few drinks and nobody is using the sink to wash their hands.
5) Keep vigilant for sinks or urinals in which a desperate user has deposited a jobbie. Never pee without checking.
6) No matter how drunk you are never rest your Fenis on the rim of the urinal to go “hands free” for a wee rest. Picking others’ pubic hair from your Fenis will only confuse you in the morning.
7) Sharing bowls with a friend is fine, but never with a stranger.
8) Never ever cross the streams.
9) As a new Fenis user you will be tempted to enter into pissing contests with other users. Never compete unless you’ve practiced alone and gauged your areas of strength. Determine if you’re a height or distance competitor and choose opponents wisely based on your skill-set.
10) Do not fool yourself into thinking that you can compete with a male penis user. You simply cannot.
11) If you choose to decorate your Fenis do not overdo it. Less is more. There’s no need to coordinate your Fenis with your handbag and/or shoes.
12) if you enter a bathroom where there are three urinals empty, etiquette dictates that you choose the left or the right one. Never select the middle one, other users will judge you.
13) If you wake in the night for a pee be sure to check that your Fenis is not pointing at 90 degrees to your body of straight up. If you cannot get it to point down at the bowl, it is advisable to pee in the shower or bath. Rinse the tiles on completion.
14) Do not share Fenises. If you leave yours at home just sit down in the old style.
15) Nobody cares anymore if you leave the seat up.
16) enjoy your new Fenis.
http://paddysdaddy.files.wordpress.co...
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