Practicing Trials: Read and Receive

Sometimes, I read books to practice life.


I pretend I’m trying the story out, as if I could use the vicarious experience as a rehearsal, imagine what I’d do, and be better equipped to do that thing if my life ever comes to that. It’s like exercise. Getting in shape for the race that might be ahead.
If this happened to me, what would I do?
Would I do what this person did?
Would I be strong like they are?


I wonder how many people are reading my book in this way? Do some of you read to try out a trial, to “practice” a hard thing?


Of course, if the borrowed trial gets too intense, I can always just close the book and walk away.
That is power, SO much power. And that is the hardest thing with real trials: the lack of power. The awful experience of having NO control.


Some of you who read understand exactly what I mean.
There’s no practicing for this. There’s just living it, and trying to survive.


When Aggie was sick, really sick, I couldn’t even practice letting her go. I wanted to read a book by a parent who had suffered faithfully, but I could not bear to read one that went there, down to that valley. I did not dare to read a book written by a parent who buried a child. Sure, they survived the grief, and they probably grained wisdom that I needed… but, when Aggie was sick, I just couldn't do it.. I was sure even the practice would kill me. What then, of the reality?


I remember waking up mornings feeling in the grips of the trial, of evil and suffering and epilepsy. I felt as if my heart was in a vice, an icy cold metallic thing clamping down and squeezing. Not even in sleep would it let me go. And it was dragging me somewhere. Where are we going? Make it stop! Let us go!


You can’t really practice that.
You can’t know the cold grip of death on your heart until it grips, and it won’t let go.
And it’s dragging you somewhere and you’re sure you don’t want to be there. And you’re terrified.


What if it happened to you?
What if seizures invaded? Or your baby got sick? Or death stopped taunting in shadows and really threatened, driving you to uncertain hospital rooms?
If this happened to you, what would you do?


Would you be strong like I was?
If you read my book and tell me, “wow, you were so brave/strong/holy, blah blah blah,” I will know you did not really read it. I wasn’t strong. I tried my best to fake it. Perhaps you could fake it better than I did.

Would you do what I did?
Would you freak out, fight God, and fall apart more than once? Would you feel your sin flair up and your faith falter? Would you be horrified at your lack of love, lack of strength, lack of wisdom, lack of trust in God? Would you be flattened? Needy? Weak?


Would you cry out to God?
What else can mortals do? Lord, to Whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

Would God listen?


That’s the question, isn’t it?


Does He hear? Would He listen, to YOU?
How do you know?

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us.
He did not spare His own Son (for YOU). He will also graciously give you all things good for your soul.


You can’t practice a trial, but you can practice receiving from a Faithful God.  


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Today’s trials and griefs, big or little, show you your need. Don’t avert your eyes. See Yourself as He sees you: sinful and unclean, a beggar, weak, and at His mercy. Come to Him in the name of Jesus with your empty hands, and receive.


God welcomes us, His children, and gives us exactly what our souls need: All things, from daily bread to eternal life.


Look to Jesus. Cling to His word. Take refuge in Him, receiving His forgiveness and grace, and with that, all things good for your soul. Right now, you may be suffering for yet a little while, but take heart. He Who Promises will not fail you. His grip on You is firm, and His Words are Solid.


And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 5:10-11
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 My Weakness His Strength -----------
I'd love to hear from you!Do you read books to practice life?How do you practice receiving from God?