Move Over, Tucker Max (NOW UPDATED WITH ACTUAL PUBLISHING ADVICE)

You know what? I try really hard not to be an asshole. Seriously, I do. I realize it's difficult to tell around here sometimes, but it's the truth. Yet sometimes... I... I just can't help myself. Today is one of those days. Following you'll find an email from Shelly. She sent me a number of questions which may have been appropriate if I were being interviewed by, say, a fifteen year old for her high school newspaper. But from what I can tell, this comes from someone who doesn't comprehend tha...