four letters, starting with c
We’ve banned a word in our house. It’s 4 letters long and starts with “c”. No, it’s not THAT word. Or that one either.
It’s CAN’T.
We won’t use the word “can’t” in our house. It’s part of something we call “lazy language”. Lazy language is used when we’re too lazy to explain something fully, to think it through to the end. For example, “That’s stupid” isn’t allowed, rather our boys are encouraged to say something like “That [insert random product/idea here] doesn’t make sense because…” or “I don’t like [whatever it is] because…”
As they get older, we become more lenient with what they can say, but the word “can’t” isn’t something we’re going to let back in anytime soon.
See, “can’t” is an excuse, a cop out, most of the time. Sure, there are definitely times when something cannot be done. But most of the time, can’t is not the reason why. (I am not unaware that there really are things that cannot be done, but that’s not what this is about – this about things that can be done, but someone chooses not to.)
All too often when someone says “I can’t” what they really mean is “That scares me”, “I’m afraid to try”, “I don’t want to” or any other number of excuses. But they say “can’t” instead. Maybe they just don’t want to admit the truth.
If you have ever heard Steve and I speak to a group, invariably you will have heard someone in the audience put their hand up and say some variation of “We can’t do that in this market” to which we reply “Why not?”. After a moment of silence, coupled with a little bit of embarrassment, we often hear something like “because no one does that”. Again, we ask “Why not?”.
It stumps most people, that “WHY NOT?” because what that question really means is “What is stopping you?”
What other people do or do not do has no bearing on what we can or will not do. Why let someone else dictate your success or failure? Shouldn’t that be on you? After all, we claim our successes. We need to claim our failures or indecision also. So, what’s stopping you? Answer: you.
We want to raise our boys to believe in chasing dreams and bringing them to life. We want them to know that anything is possible if you set your mind to it and do the work necessary to get there. We want to live by example and show them that you craft your life with your I CANs as much as you do with I CAN’Ts.
Can’t is often the easy choice, the one with less work involved. CAN requires initiative, drive and commitment – scary things for most people. Can’t is safe, Can is risky. Only you know if you CAN or if you WON’T.
Next time you talk yourself out of something at be least honest about it. It’s not that you can’t, it’s that you don’t. And if you don’t that’s fine, but know this – you could have, if you had tried.
