Twitter. A Newbs Guide for Newbies.
Watching a Twitter feed in action is like watching the screaming thoughts a nine year old lunatic stream in font form across your third eye. (Twitter can have that for their next tag-line if they like.) I love it. But it’s a crazy place. Maybe like in life though, it’s all about who you pick for company.
Some people have been tweeting since the beginning. Some have just started. Some are not convinced at all.
For all those out there who haven’t yet given it a try, and for those who may be reluctant - here’s a short list of who you can expect to meet on there. Good and bad.
There’s the mom who calls herself KirstysMom. That’s kinda cute but sad. Is that how you see yourself KirstysMom? As Kirtsy’s mom? That’s it? Not your own name or a slightly risqué nickname you’ve had in your head for a couple of years? What happens if Kirsty gets hit by a bus. How will your friends find you if you have to change your name? No more Twitter?[image error]
There’s always an insecure celebrity who’s arguing with a ‘fan’ or trying to justify the end of Lost. That he wrote. Let’s call him Damien Lindehoff.
Or there’s the guy who calls out to all the bitches in the club. He’s XxxSwaggyKillaxxX - he’s just a XxxdouchebagxxX.
There’s the witty political commentators. My personl favorite. No one is safe. Love these people and love that they have a place to say what they want to say. Twitter - the world’s biggest town square.
Of course the place is infested with Bieber fans? I know you’re all just little hormonal girls or whatever, but puberty and your parents divorce can’t happen quick enough. Try listening to ‘Love Me’ when you’re cramping, pimply and you hate the world. Say hello to Nirvana for me!
Speaking of music, there’s always plenty of excellent recommendations to choose from floating by. Click a couple. I’ve found some gems.
Then there’s the Jesus nuts. They want to tell me about the bible. I’ve read it twice(true story) and didn’t like it either time. Something to do with all the different writers. Like a terrible Hollywood summer movie.
There’s the poor cryptic passive aggressive who tweets things like - I’m a strong woman who will succeed in life even if you don’t know you’re wrong. Or - Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet. Cause they missed you the first time. At first I felt for her but it’s been seven months now. Either break into his house and kill him and his new fiancé or grab yourself an account with FriendFinder or something.
There’s the Twitter tribal wars. Some team v some team. Some movie character v some movie character. Some band v some band.
Of course, reading drunk tweets is always fun.
I’ve noticed that American political sides have gotten more hardened and vicious since the black guy came on board. No idea what that’s about.
And then there’s my group. The writers. I watched you before I tweeted - you seemed to be doing this - PLS RT!!! BOOK!!!BOOK!! GOOD THINGS SAID ABOUT IT!!!BOOK!!!!! #plsrtgoodbook. So like a sheep I did the same. Not only did I do the same, I did it in duplicate. Apparently on Twitter there’s a setting that allows your Facebook post to automatically appear on Twitter too. So I would go to Facebook and post about my awesome book, it would hit Twitter. Then I would share my awesome book quote on Facebook, it would appear again on Twitter. I would then come to Twitter and post about my awesome book. Three, four times a post. The same post. Every time. #sorry
Not promising I’ll stop though.
But the jewel in the birdie’s crown is the genuinely great strangers who just pop up and say cool things. They tell you where all the cool stuff is online, or they type something that makes you produce a cornflake from your nostril at breakfast. They watch the same programs as you and make them infinitely better by tweeting along. They RT your lame jokes and recommend you to other cool people who might live ten minutes from you or ten thousand miles from you.
Twitter is a flow of humanity. If you think that humanity is fundementally decent then it should be a good experience for you. If you think everyone is shit and most people should move to some other country or be locked up, then not so much.
I have no idea how it works or who can see my posts but that’s the beauty of Twitter. There’s a rushing copper waterfall of thoughts rushing by you. When you’re ready you throw in your penny.
Some people have been tweeting since the beginning. Some have just started. Some are not convinced at all.
For all those out there who haven’t yet given it a try, and for those who may be reluctant - here’s a short list of who you can expect to meet on there. Good and bad.
There’s the mom who calls herself KirstysMom. That’s kinda cute but sad. Is that how you see yourself KirstysMom? As Kirtsy’s mom? That’s it? Not your own name or a slightly risqué nickname you’ve had in your head for a couple of years? What happens if Kirsty gets hit by a bus. How will your friends find you if you have to change your name? No more Twitter?[image error]
There’s always an insecure celebrity who’s arguing with a ‘fan’ or trying to justify the end of Lost. That he wrote. Let’s call him Damien Lindehoff.
Or there’s the guy who calls out to all the bitches in the club. He’s XxxSwaggyKillaxxX - he’s just a XxxdouchebagxxX.
There’s the witty political commentators. My personl favorite. No one is safe. Love these people and love that they have a place to say what they want to say. Twitter - the world’s biggest town square.
Of course the place is infested with Bieber fans? I know you’re all just little hormonal girls or whatever, but puberty and your parents divorce can’t happen quick enough. Try listening to ‘Love Me’ when you’re cramping, pimply and you hate the world. Say hello to Nirvana for me!
Speaking of music, there’s always plenty of excellent recommendations to choose from floating by. Click a couple. I’ve found some gems.
Then there’s the Jesus nuts. They want to tell me about the bible. I’ve read it twice(true story) and didn’t like it either time. Something to do with all the different writers. Like a terrible Hollywood summer movie.
There’s the poor cryptic passive aggressive who tweets things like - I’m a strong woman who will succeed in life even if you don’t know you’re wrong. Or - Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second bullet. Cause they missed you the first time. At first I felt for her but it’s been seven months now. Either break into his house and kill him and his new fiancé or grab yourself an account with FriendFinder or something.
There’s the Twitter tribal wars. Some team v some team. Some movie character v some movie character. Some band v some band.
Of course, reading drunk tweets is always fun.
I’ve noticed that American political sides have gotten more hardened and vicious since the black guy came on board. No idea what that’s about.
And then there’s my group. The writers. I watched you before I tweeted - you seemed to be doing this - PLS RT!!! BOOK!!!BOOK!! GOOD THINGS SAID ABOUT IT!!!BOOK!!!!! #plsrtgoodbook. So like a sheep I did the same. Not only did I do the same, I did it in duplicate. Apparently on Twitter there’s a setting that allows your Facebook post to automatically appear on Twitter too. So I would go to Facebook and post about my awesome book, it would hit Twitter. Then I would share my awesome book quote on Facebook, it would appear again on Twitter. I would then come to Twitter and post about my awesome book. Three, four times a post. The same post. Every time. #sorry
Not promising I’ll stop though.
But the jewel in the birdie’s crown is the genuinely great strangers who just pop up and say cool things. They tell you where all the cool stuff is online, or they type something that makes you produce a cornflake from your nostril at breakfast. They watch the same programs as you and make them infinitely better by tweeting along. They RT your lame jokes and recommend you to other cool people who might live ten minutes from you or ten thousand miles from you.
Twitter is a flow of humanity. If you think that humanity is fundementally decent then it should be a good experience for you. If you think everyone is shit and most people should move to some other country or be locked up, then not so much.
I have no idea how it works or who can see my posts but that’s the beauty of Twitter. There’s a rushing copper waterfall of thoughts rushing by you. When you’re ready you throw in your penny.
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