“Your Highness Learns Fast”

There are few films less deserving of a big-budget remake than Red Sonja. It plays more like a sword-and-sorcery spoof than a genuine adventure, due in large part to the most awful dialogue this side of Mortal Kombat: Annihilation—as well as the craven addition of a Short Round-style sidekick. If memory serves, Red Sonja was actually supposed to be another Conan film. But having realized what a hash they’d made, its producers wisely chose to saddle Brigitte Nielsen with the infamy.

Can the dude