Caffeine

I have a very special relationship with Caffeine. An addiction of epic proportion. It’s only caffeine. It’s not like heroine or crack or anything so I let it go. It’s not that big of a deal. It’s only caffeine.

Until I don’t have any for 3 or 4 hours.

Then it’s a really big fucking deal. The headache sets in, the shakes are quick to follow. Then I get belligerent and start looking for things to break. With my head swimming in blood and each pump of my heart trying to explode out of my ears I’ll finally break down and run for a Diet Mountain Dew or a Monster to calm the beast.

It’s not immediate though. The caffeine takes a while to run it’s course and coax the storm calm. By that time, I’m on can number three. Then I gotta piss.

Then the withdrawal headache and shakes turn to OH MY GOD I HAVE SO MUCH SHIT TO DO AND NOT ENOUGH TIME TO DO IT MUST GET EVERYTHING DONE AND WHERE IS ALL MY STUFF AT THAT I NEED AND I NEED ANOTHER SHOT OF CAFFEINE AND MORE COFFEE! COFFEE IS SO GOOD! CAPPUCCINO IS EVEN BETTER! WHY DOESN’T CAPPUCCINO HAVE AN ‘H’ IN IT? MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE! IT SHOULD BE CAP-UH-K-SEE-NO THE WAY IT’S SPELLED! THAT SOUNDS LIKE CASINO WITH A CAP! I FEEL LUCKY! OH MY GOD! LET’S GO TO THE CASINO! I NEED TO GAMBLE! I’LL DRIVE! FUCK IT! I CAN RUN!

Then I lose all my money and can’t afford more Diet Mountain Dew so I resort to mixing splenda packets with free water from the soda fountain at Wendy’s. Little cups because they’re free so I have to keep going back and getting more and more. More trips. More splenda.

Until I pass out.

And start all over again.