NOW I regret not taking the cruise…

Before I became a published author, I read about other authors’ promotional events with envy. For a while, it seemed like every best-selling novelist was going on a Caribbean cruise with fans, with all author expenses paid by the cruise lines. Other famous writers were paid to host ski weekends at glamorous resorts, or welcomed their fans to a luxurious spa vacation. I even read about a relatively unknown novelist who got paid by a tour company to spend a week touring Ireland with her readers.

Erin go Bragh.

One of these days, I told myself, I will be published, and the requests to accompany readers to exotic places will come pouring in. Hawaii would be nice. Or Tahiti. I’d even consider a cruise down the Nile or a trip to Australia’s Outback.

And then I had my first Birder Murder Mystery published in 2008. Lo and behold, within six months, I did indeed receive my first invitation to go on a cruise as a guest author.

To the Arctic.

In January.

I am not kidding. Somehow, an adventure tour company in Norway got my name and emailed me the invitation.

I thought it was a joke, so I ignored the email. I live in Minnesota – if I want to experience cold in January, all I have to do is walk to my mailbox.

Two weeks later, I had an email from my publisher. They’d received an inquiry from the Norwegian tour company asking to verify my email address because they hadn’t heard back from me about the Arctic trip.

It wasn’t a joke. I was being invited to go on an adventure cruise to the Arctic in January. Sub-zero temperatures, rubber rafts, and stormy seas. Probably icebergs and polar bears, too. Maybe even killer whales.

Fortunately – I mean, unfortunately – I couldn’t make the trip because I had a previous commitment…to survival. I passed on the Arctic cruise.

Now it’s years later, and I’m more experienced as an author. I realize I should have gone on the cruise and connected with new readers. I can handle a little cold.

Of course, it’s also July, and I’m sweltering in record 100-degree heat here in Minneapolis.

Now where did I put that email address for the Norwegian tour company?

Hello, icebergs.