PINK IS NOT THE ENEMY
Hello, my lovelies! Tuesday again, and today I'm sharing with you a slightly different kind of RetroTuesday post - not something from the archive, but a post that I wrote for my publisher's UNDERCOVER blog back a couple of months ago. At the time I linked the post into the Queen of Teen Award, but I thought it would be nice to bring it back here for anyone who didn't see it then and just let it stand on its own. I present to you:PINK IS NOT THE ENEMY
Shhhh. *Looks around furtively* I need to tell you a secret, OK?
It's really embarrassing. You won't tell anyone, right? This is just between you and me?
Here goes.
I really... kind of... love... pink.
When I was a little girl and my mum tried to put me in a pair of jeans, I threw an epic tantrum and wouldn't leave the house, even though said jeans had been specially bought because they had pink embroidered flowers all over them. When my cousin didn't invite me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding I cried for hours because I swear to you, I wanted that big pink puffy meringue dress more than I wanted to live. One of my favourite toys for years was a troll doll with hot-pink hair in a full ballerina's outfit including hot-pink tutu and toe shoes. It never left my sight.
I know, right!? Me! Me, with my martial arts and Feminism and fantasy/sci-fi nerdery. Me, with all the big talk about sexism and diversity and trying to write the change you want to see in the world. Me, with my powerful heroines that go around fighting and casting spells and rescuing the heroes and freeing nations.
I feel so ashamed of myself! I'm letting the side down! Right? Right?
Or how about: OH HECK NO.
This is the dilemma many of us ladies (and in fact, gentlemen) face in our day to day lives. We want to be fierce, strong, independent people, fighting back against stereotypes of what femininity can and cannot be. We want respect and we are prepared to kick butt and take names until we get it.
But we also really, really, really want that pair of pink suede kitten heel slingbacks we saw on sale last week...
Humans have a problem, and it is this: we like to put things in boxes. We like to be able to put Hairy Chested Manly Things in one box, and Fragrant Pink Girly things in another. Girls may sometimes, and with a large application of effort, be allowed to play in the Hairy Chested Manly Things box and borrow some stuff (like, you know, wearing trousers, voting, owning property). But we're not allowed to have everything we might want, and we're often under threat of someone coming along and taking those things back from us.
And if we like the stuff out of the boys box too much (equal rights and pay at work, equal sexual freedom, absolute and unquestioned dominion of our own bodies) we'll probably have some very unkind names thrown at us and may even be physically attacked.
Men are not even allowed to glance at the Fragrant Pink Girly Box. Everything in there - everything which is supposed to be natural to and desirable for girls - is supposed to be inherantly inferior and lesser for them. A man who likes that stuff is letting down all men. He's unfit to be a man. He can't play in the box without getting sneered at, threatened, deprived of rights and possibly beaten up by others, some of whom might even be women.
And ladies - many ladies - including me! - have seen this and have been known to say: 'I shall not play in the Fragrant Pink Girly Box! If it is not good enough for men then it is not good enough for me either! I shall not be forced into certain roles and choices in life! I shall partake only of the Hairy Chested Manly things - like being tough and strong, and not caring about personal hygiene - AND THAT WILL JUST SHOW YOU!'
Ladies. Comrades. Sisters in arms and sisters in pink suede kitten heel slingbacks. I am here to tell you that you do not have to chose.
Many, many of the things our society has put in the Hairy Chested Manly Box, like wearing trousers, and kicking butts, and being strong, are awesome. And many, many things society has put in the Fragrant Pink Girly Box, like falling in love, and caring about relationships, are also awesome.
The thing that is very not awesome? Is the label there on the box that says 'Manly' or 'Girly'.
Because this makes those of us who like stuff from both boxes feel bad. It makes us scared. It makes us feel that things we like and care about and enjoy are wrong, merely because of the private parts assigned to us by fate. That is not awesome at all. It's so far from awesome that I'd quite like to catch it and put it in a box all of its very own. And then hit the box with a stick. And then drop the box off a very high cliff.
It's 2012, and all of us, boys and girls, should feel free to play in both boxes and take what we like out of both of them and then construct our own, personal idea of what it is to be a man or a woman. Pink is not essentially girly, no matter what those box loving people think (in fact, until around a hundred years ago, pink was traditionally a boy's colour, did you know that?). And being hairy is just as much a girly thing as a man thing - anyone who has seen a woman's collection of hair removing products cannot doubt this.
We do not live as hunter-gatherers anymore. The natural order of things is the way that feels natural to each of us as individuals.
When I see people making disparaging comments or retching noises over displays of pink, that makes me feel sad. Because there is nothing inherantly wrong with pink. The only reason pink is so despised is that it is considered something 'for girls' - and this has caused it to be labeled inferior, sickening, lesser. So those people are, in fact, making their disparaging comments not just about the colour - but about the value of things liked by girls. When I hear a boy being teased by being called a 'girl', that makes me feel incredibly sad. He's being told that the worst thing he can do is to act in any way that the world considers traditionally feminine - that in fact, doing anything badly is to do it 'girlishly'.
People try to play this off like it isn't important. People - both men and women - will tell you that worrying about the use of the word 'girl' as an insult, or how wearing a pink shirt to school is unthinkable for a boy, is foolish. Or over-reacting. But it isn't. Of course it isn't. Think about it for a minute and think about what this actually says about our society and our attitude to women and girls. It's scary.
So this is a plea to you. All of you boys and girls who love pink and sparkly things. And all of you boys and girls who love sword fights and magic. And all of you boys and girls who love both. The world may not want you to have strength and independence AND pink - but I think you can. I think we can.
Don't let other people tell you who you are. Just BE who you are.
Pink is not the enemy. Prejudice, narrow-mindedness and bigotry are.
Appropriate personal photo-no-jutsu!
Shhhh. *Looks around furtively* I need to tell you a secret, OK?
It's really embarrassing. You won't tell anyone, right? This is just between you and me?
Here goes.
I really... kind of... love... pink.
When I was a little girl and my mum tried to put me in a pair of jeans, I threw an epic tantrum and wouldn't leave the house, even though said jeans had been specially bought because they had pink embroidered flowers all over them. When my cousin didn't invite me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding I cried for hours because I swear to you, I wanted that big pink puffy meringue dress more than I wanted to live. One of my favourite toys for years was a troll doll with hot-pink hair in a full ballerina's outfit including hot-pink tutu and toe shoes. It never left my sight.
I know, right!? Me! Me, with my martial arts and Feminism and fantasy/sci-fi nerdery. Me, with all the big talk about sexism and diversity and trying to write the change you want to see in the world. Me, with my powerful heroines that go around fighting and casting spells and rescuing the heroes and freeing nations.
I feel so ashamed of myself! I'm letting the side down! Right? Right?
Or how about: OH HECK NO.
This is the dilemma many of us ladies (and in fact, gentlemen) face in our day to day lives. We want to be fierce, strong, independent people, fighting back against stereotypes of what femininity can and cannot be. We want respect and we are prepared to kick butt and take names until we get it.
But we also really, really, really want that pair of pink suede kitten heel slingbacks we saw on sale last week...
Humans have a problem, and it is this: we like to put things in boxes. We like to be able to put Hairy Chested Manly Things in one box, and Fragrant Pink Girly things in another. Girls may sometimes, and with a large application of effort, be allowed to play in the Hairy Chested Manly Things box and borrow some stuff (like, you know, wearing trousers, voting, owning property). But we're not allowed to have everything we might want, and we're often under threat of someone coming along and taking those things back from us.
And if we like the stuff out of the boys box too much (equal rights and pay at work, equal sexual freedom, absolute and unquestioned dominion of our own bodies) we'll probably have some very unkind names thrown at us and may even be physically attacked.
Men are not even allowed to glance at the Fragrant Pink Girly Box. Everything in there - everything which is supposed to be natural to and desirable for girls - is supposed to be inherantly inferior and lesser for them. A man who likes that stuff is letting down all men. He's unfit to be a man. He can't play in the box without getting sneered at, threatened, deprived of rights and possibly beaten up by others, some of whom might even be women.
And ladies - many ladies - including me! - have seen this and have been known to say: 'I shall not play in the Fragrant Pink Girly Box! If it is not good enough for men then it is not good enough for me either! I shall not be forced into certain roles and choices in life! I shall partake only of the Hairy Chested Manly things - like being tough and strong, and not caring about personal hygiene - AND THAT WILL JUST SHOW YOU!'
Ladies. Comrades. Sisters in arms and sisters in pink suede kitten heel slingbacks. I am here to tell you that you do not have to chose.
Many, many of the things our society has put in the Hairy Chested Manly Box, like wearing trousers, and kicking butts, and being strong, are awesome. And many, many things society has put in the Fragrant Pink Girly Box, like falling in love, and caring about relationships, are also awesome.
The thing that is very not awesome? Is the label there on the box that says 'Manly' or 'Girly'.
Because this makes those of us who like stuff from both boxes feel bad. It makes us scared. It makes us feel that things we like and care about and enjoy are wrong, merely because of the private parts assigned to us by fate. That is not awesome at all. It's so far from awesome that I'd quite like to catch it and put it in a box all of its very own. And then hit the box with a stick. And then drop the box off a very high cliff.
It's 2012, and all of us, boys and girls, should feel free to play in both boxes and take what we like out of both of them and then construct our own, personal idea of what it is to be a man or a woman. Pink is not essentially girly, no matter what those box loving people think (in fact, until around a hundred years ago, pink was traditionally a boy's colour, did you know that?). And being hairy is just as much a girly thing as a man thing - anyone who has seen a woman's collection of hair removing products cannot doubt this.
We do not live as hunter-gatherers anymore. The natural order of things is the way that feels natural to each of us as individuals.
When I see people making disparaging comments or retching noises over displays of pink, that makes me feel sad. Because there is nothing inherantly wrong with pink. The only reason pink is so despised is that it is considered something 'for girls' - and this has caused it to be labeled inferior, sickening, lesser. So those people are, in fact, making their disparaging comments not just about the colour - but about the value of things liked by girls. When I hear a boy being teased by being called a 'girl', that makes me feel incredibly sad. He's being told that the worst thing he can do is to act in any way that the world considers traditionally feminine - that in fact, doing anything badly is to do it 'girlishly'.
People try to play this off like it isn't important. People - both men and women - will tell you that worrying about the use of the word 'girl' as an insult, or how wearing a pink shirt to school is unthinkable for a boy, is foolish. Or over-reacting. But it isn't. Of course it isn't. Think about it for a minute and think about what this actually says about our society and our attitude to women and girls. It's scary.
So this is a plea to you. All of you boys and girls who love pink and sparkly things. And all of you boys and girls who love sword fights and magic. And all of you boys and girls who love both. The world may not want you to have strength and independence AND pink - but I think you can. I think we can.
Don't let other people tell you who you are. Just BE who you are.
Pink is not the enemy. Prejudice, narrow-mindedness and bigotry are.
Appropriate personal photo-no-jutsu!
No comments have been added yet.
