New Year's Resolution 3

I had just returned home from my daily visit to the Marble Slab Creamery for my three scoops of ice cream mixed with crushed Oreos, chocolate chips and bacon bits, when I happened to catch sight of myself in the mirror--or at least that portion of myself that would actually fit within the confines of the mirror, said mirror being approximately the width of my bathroom door, upon which it hung.

I was as startled by the size of my abdominal region as I had been the first time I noticed I was ba...