1997 Heroes Convention

Originally published July 11, 1997, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1234

Some basic random and scattered recollections of the Heroes Aren’t Hard to Find convention:

This is the first time I’ve been to a Heroes con in quite some time. The last time I was there, one of the convention’s centerpieces was the show’s organizer, Shelton Drumm, marrying his girlfriend Cynthia. This was particularly nice considering that, the time before that when I’d been there, he’d just broken up with her. Indeed, I was almost afraid to come down again since I was concerned that my merely setting foot in Charlotte would cause the marriage to blow up. Fortunately enough everything seems intact in the family Drumm, so that’s a relief.

* * *

I was chosen to MC the CBG Awards this year. I informed the audience that last year CBG stood for Carl Barks’ Gift, but that CBG had instituted a new vote-counting method this year that would eliminate the possibility of a recurrance: I claimed that this year, in tallying the responses, CBG had simply thrown out any ballot that was not a vote for Kurt Busiek’s Astro City. This was mildly undercut when Mark Waid won for favorite writer, but boy, did Waid look happy about it. Or at least whoever that svelte individual passing himself off as Mark Waid might actually be. You see, it used to be that Mark Waid More, but he lost a lot of weight, so now Mark Waid Less.

* * *

People brought me a lot of off-beat stuff to sign. Things that I haven’t seen in years, or even completely forgotten about. Stuff like my adaptation of Cyrano de Bergerac, for instance, written for First Comics back when they had the Classic Comics label and illustrated by Kyle Baker. Boy, was that thing a pain to produce. We couldn’t use the traditional James Hooker translation because it wasn’t in public domain. So I got a translation of the Edmond Rostand play produced back in the 1890s, except it wasn’t very good. So I produced a new translation/adaptation using the 1890s translation, the Hooker version, a very modern translation written in current vernacular, and the original French with the aid of a French/English dictionary. Genuine labor of love. It was a ton of work, and I think they sold maybe twelve copies of it.

* * *

Finally had a chance to sit down with George Perez and chat about an outstanding question that both of us get asked all the time, namely: Will there be any more adventures of Sachs and Violens, the erotic limited series we produced for the now-defunct Epic Line. We were both happy to learn that both of us were still interested. Personally, I’ve love to see J.J. Sachs become sexually involved with a randy governor who’s got presidential aspirations… and his involvement with J.J. makes him a target, so his handlers decide she’s got to be disposed of. That way we can call the story, “The Governor and J.J.,” a joke that will be gotten by almost no one, but it will amuse us, and that’s what’s important. Now all we need is the time in our schedule and a publisher, and we’re all set.

* * *

There was a great deal of fundraising efforts going on to benefit the Comic Book Legal Defense Fund. Neil Gaiman did signings and a reading to raise money, and I handled the Saturday auction. They were not able to provide me with a microphone, since it was keyed into the public address system throughout the auditorium, which meant my voice would have boomed all through the dealers’ room. But then the folks from the Jersey Rebels table provided me with a megaphone, which saved my voice. I got a laugh by testing the megaphone thus: I switched it on, tilted my head back, and—addressing the upper reaches of the ceiling—called, “Rob! Don’t jump! Don’t jump, Rob! Come down out of the rafters! Things will get better, Rob, I promise!”

One of the auction’s high points came when Paul Smith, who had been on stage during the auction producing a large sketch of characters from Leave it to Chance for another auction the following day (for the Children’s Burn Victim Fund) decided to let us have it instead (with the intention of producing another for the next day’s auction.) Paul watched in amazement as the bidding quickly took off, resulting in a final bid of $875. It was like watching him have an out-of-body experience.

The auction wound up raising $2600 for the CBLDF. And since Those Who Would Protect You from Yourself are becoming no less vigilant in their efforts, the money is sorely needed.

* * *

I met Mike Diana, the beleaguered creator of Boiled Angel, the exile from Florida who was hit with a judgment so onerous that it was mandated he had to keep away from children under the age of 18, as if he were some sort of convicted child molester rather than simply a comics artist who told stories people didn’t like. I looked for signs of horns or perhaps a 666 emblazoned on his person, but none seemed evident. But he was standing behind a table, so maybe he had cloven hooves.

What a great country we live in. Now if only we could live up to the ideals to which we aspire.

* * *

I’m drowning in watches.

You see, there was this guy on Usenet who made the utterly absurd claim that the only way I will go to a convention is if I’m promised all manner of exorbitant perks, such as watches. Ostensibly (he reported) I was at a convention somewhere showing off some fancy watch that convention organizers had given me. I had, and continue to have, zero idea what he was talking about.

He also referred to Comics Buyer’s Guide as my paper, prompting Tony Isabella and Bob Ingersoll to trade messages saying, “Hey, Peter bought the paper! We better be nice to the new boss! Let’s go halfsies on a new watch!” This kidding exchange sent Tony’s mind to working, and he started marshalling forces to give me watches. Why? I dunno. Probably my mildly beleaguered expression every time someone thrust one at me amused him or something. I wound up (literally) with half a dozen watches, the total dollar value probably coming to just under 20 bucks. There were a couple of the Burger King Lost World watches, a Hunchback of Notre Dame watch with Hugo the gargoyle on it, a Gummi watch, etc.

And not a single one of them had the right time.

But at least Tony was entertained. That’s what counts.

* * *

One of the reasons I hadn’t made the convention in a while was that it is always over Father’s Day. But this time around I wound up bringing my daughters with me, so we would be together on Father’s Day (and also so they could visit their cousins who recently moved to Charlotte). Shana and Gwen actually came to the convention on Sunday. You have to understand: they don’t think having me as a father is any particularly big deal. In fact, it’s kind of embarrassing, since most kids get to have a normal parent. Still, they do manage to benefit from it every now and then. At conventions they go around to the dealers, find stuff they want, and say, “Hi, we’re Peter David’s daughters. Can you give us a break on the price?” Usually works.

* * *

This has nothing to do with the Heroes Con at all, but I thought I’d mention that—available in the Disney store—is a new plush line based on George of the Jungle. It ties in with the live action film, but—having learned their lesson from those awful Fred Flintstone toys that looked like John Goodman—Disney execs released a line of stuffed toys based on the animated characters. I’ve gotten three myself: Ape, George, and Shepp the elephant (which George perches on nicely). I’ll tell you, I’m not sure what the point is to making this movie, but any film which features John Cleese as the voice of the Ape has got me there for opening day.

Watch out!

Peter David, writer of stuff, can be written to at Second Age, Inc., P.O. Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705. At the tone, the time will be exactly 11:45 a.m. … or 1:23 p.m. … or five minutes to 4… or…