REFLECTION.
To say the last 365 days has been a breeze would be the best joke to start the new year. I have never been so sure about life than I have these days, and I don’t know if the universe is challenging me to understand the blessings or trials I have ahead of me, but what I do know is that I’ve learned a few damn good lessons that I never plan to repeat again. I understand that even when you put your best foot forward, there is always someone lurking around in the shadows waiting for one slip and fall. I understand that love is measurable and that not everyone around you is someone that you can call a friend.
The past year, I had a new baby, got yet another degree, and learned that being a mother hasn’t been my biggest blessing as I thought, but possibly the biggest challenge I have still yet to experience. At the top of the year, I had so many goals and expectations of people and even of myself, and I was humbled in so many ways. I feel as though this year has been one of the most eye-opening years that I have experienced in my entire life, and I only have myself to thank. I have to thank myself for speaking up, not tolerating bullshit from anyone, and making it clear the things that I want and need out of this one life I was blessed to have, and if that means I do it alone, then I will do just that. I learned that so many people never truly understand what your personal struggles and battles are if you try and hide behind a facade of toughness in order to not be judged, and by doing so, you never truly heal, no one ever truly knows you, and you always have a sense of loneliness.
Throughout the year, I found myself questioning why I was here, why God would put me through so many things back to back and not give me an answer to the questions I kept begging Him to answer in the hardest parts of my experiences. And what I found is that He was always with me. I needed to understand that He guided my steps and allowed me to use the things that He taught me as armor to protect myself from reliving the same hurts, shames, and heartache. I found myself hiding behind a barrier, or what I thought would keep me safe, but instead fighting for ME. Fighting to be sure that I make the most out of the time I have left here to actually LIVE and not just survive—whatever that may look like. I learned this year that fear is only the things that I have lied to myself about in order to stay in a safe place.
This year, I encourage you all to LIVE. Take that trip, climb that mountain, fall in love—over and over! Be HAPPY no matter what that looks like for you. But overall, never stop FIGHTING FOR YOU. Cheers to a new year, IMPROVED YOU.
—V
