Unsafe to Ask: How Vulnerability Became the Path to Healthy Relationships
In Ama’s time, people didn’t ask what was meant when they didn’t understand. If they did, they would often get a long-convoluted answer or avoidance anyway, so why try? At this time, it was then put through a filter in one’s own mind and experience. This led them to inaccurate assumptions and most often created a bigger divide or disconnection between people. It left relationships confused and feeling uncomfortable, and often unsafe.
In our time now, the truth is what allows us to be rather unemotional and maintain a constant with natural equality. We see certain things are or are not for us, and we regard this without judgment or emotion. People are in a constant state of letting go. “I can’t imagine the pain that was experienced from interacting the way things occurred in Ama’s time,” said Bissa. Maya agreed.
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However, in Ama’s time, vulnerability was the unsafe part, and asking for clarity was a vulnerability. However, Ama would say, “If you have fear (feeling unsafe), you won’t self-express and must use vulnerability to surpass the fear and to move into self-expression.”
It was that this was unsafe over unavailable. People were so tangled up and immature emotionally, they didn’t tell the truth fully because they didn’t want to expose their own vulnerability, and sadly, playing it safe was better than taking the risk.
Maya, today we ask each other’s needs and never assume them because we know that only leads to confusion and unmet true needs, and that results in unhealthy relationships. That’s right, Bissa. We even ask if somebody likes something, so we learn more about the person, and they can honestly answer because there is no threat of being challenged or rejected. We live in such a vastly different time. This is the future of our past.
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