The Referral Playbook: When, Who, and How to Ask

The easiest way to grow your sales is through referrals — yet too few salespeople actually know how and when to ask for them. Referrals are pure gold. They shorten your sales cycle, strengthen your credibility, and open doors you could never push open on your own.

But here’s the problem: most salespeople don’t ask. And if they do, they don’t ask well.

Let’s fix that.

There are three big reasons salespeople don’t ask for referrals — and I’m going to unpack each one, show you how to overcome it, and reveal the “secret sauce” that accelerates your results.

1. You Don’t Know Who (or When) to Ask

Most people think referrals can only come from current customers. Wrong.

You can ask for referrals from anyone who understands what you do — vendors, peers, colleagues, even people who didn’t buy from you. Your referral pool is much larger than you think.

Here’s the truth: you can ask for a referral anytime you deliver value. That could be right after closing a deal, six months later, or even after a simple check-in where you’ve helped them in some way.

Don’t make referrals a “one-and-done” event. Make it an ongoing conversation.

And don’t forget this — you can even ask past customers or those who didn’t buy from you. Sometimes they didn’t end up buying anything at all, but they still trust and like you. That’s enough to refer.

2. You Don’t Know How to Ask

Here’s a simple and powerful way to ask:

“It’s been great seeing you achieve these results. Who else do you know who might benefit from this kind of success?”

That’s it.

You’re complimenting them, acknowledging their results, and then opening the door for a referral — all in one breath.

Make this a habit. Set a weekly goal for how many times you’ll ask for a referral. Whether that’s three, five, or ten, it doesn’t matter. What matters is consistency.

And don’t be afraid to take it one step further:

“Would you mind making an introduction?”

It’s a simple, respectful ask — and it often gets you directly in front of your next opportunity.

3. You’re Afraid of the Response

Let’s be honest: most salespeople are afraid to ask because they fear hearing “no.”

But think about it — you hear “no” from prospects all the time. Why should this be any different?

Here’s the truth: your customers love you more than you realize. You’re your own harshest critic. If you’ve helped them in any way, you’ve earned the right to ask for a referral.

And when you do, you’re not just looking for new business — you’re deepening the relationship. Asking for referrals actually strengthens your connection with your existing customers.

The Secret Sauce: Give to Get

Now here’s where the magic happens.

If you want to get referrals, start by giving them.

Every week, I set a goal to give three unsolicited referrals. Every Monday morning, I send my first one — just connecting two people who I know could help each other.

Sometimes I do it by phone, sometimes by email, sometimes in person. The point is to make it a habit.

And here’s what I’ve found: when you give referrals freely — without expecting anything in return — they come back to you tenfold.

It’s the law of the sales universe.

Make Referrals Part of Your System

Here’s your challenge:

Set a weekly goal for how many referrals you’ll ask for.Set a weekly goal for how many unsolicited referrals you’ll give.

Track them. Be deliberate. Use your CRM or even a simple checklist. Do this for six weeks — just six — and I guarantee you’ll see results.

And remember, referrals don’t just come from customers. They come from peers, vendors, and others in your network — people who know your value and trust your integrity.

Because at the end of the day, a rising tide lifts all boats.