Before You Love Yourself, Learn to Like Yourself

This step is often skipped.[image error][image error]Photo by Ava Sol on Unsplash

You and I live in a quick-fix society. Everywhere you look, there are life-hacks, shortcuts, the latest pill for weight-loss, cryptocurrency for instant wealth, and so on.

Society almost always focuses on the end goal. To be respected, to be seen as someone, to shine, you must achieve. There must be a visible success you can point to. Fail to achieve, and all that you are gets called into question.

The problem with the quick-fix, instant gratification focus of society is that it’s utterly unrealistic. More often than not, instant achievement is the exception, not the rule. Most people don’t go from idea to success instantly. There are steps along the way.

No path from idea to achievement is straight and clean. All of them have twists and turns, obstacles and detours, and challenges along the way. No matter what the topic is, creating something tangible or intangible, there are steps you take from point “A” to point “B”. And some will be missteps.

No matter who you are or where you come from, it’s almost impossible to have, do, or be anything without mindfulness – i.e., active conscious awareness. To engage mindfulness, you just need to be present, here and now, and look within yourself to see what you’re thinking, what and how you’re feeling, your intentions, the positivity or negativity of your approach, and your actions.

For many people, however, this inward look shows something they dislike. Sometimes, someONE they dislike. And liking yourself is essential to actively choosing any path for your life experience.

Allow me to share my experience with this topic

I spent most of my 20s and about half my 30s not really liking myself. When I looked at who I was, I found myself lacking. Wanting. There were moments when I shined, but for the most part, I wasn’t very fond of that person.

Why? In part because I kept trying (and no succeeding) to fit myself into various molds created by other people. I tried to find and work the right 9-5 job, the perfect monogamous relationship, the place to call home, and so on. Attempts at fitting into these ideas always felt wrong and kept me from liking who I was.

I lived discontented, disgruntled, and frequently uncertain and uncomfortable. But most of all, I didn’t like myself very much. I was bad at dating, lousy at finding and keeping the right job, and terrible at getting and staying in shape. The single harshest judge of me was me. And I didn’t like who I saw when I turned inward to look at my thoughts, feelings, approach, intentions, and actions.

To change this, to learn to like myself, I went into therapy, got a prescription for antidepressants, began mindfulness practices, and worked actively to learn to like myself.

When I stopped disliking myself and learned to like myself, it all changed.

Photo by Amie Roussel on UnsplashLearn to like yourself

I stopped looking for my flaws. Rather than see all the things about me that were off, I started to look for what was good about me. I shifted my focus from negativity to more positivity and learned to see that I was a worthwhile and good person.

Part of the problem in modern society is an utter lack of focus and education in self-awareness. You’re taught to look out for others, to share, but not to look within and practice any form of self-care. Then, via bombardments of information and advertising, comparison is encouraged, as is competition.

It’s hard to like yourself when all the messages you receive tell you that without that car, the significant other, the right wardrobe, and other specific name-brand trappings of life, you’re not worthy. However, none of that matters.

Who you are has nothing to do with where you live, what you own, the job you do, or any other such thing. You are the person in your head, heart, and soul who deserves love, kindness, compassion, and empathy. Yet it’s hard to see that through all the external messages, influencers, and noise.

The first step to learning to like yourself is to recognize and acknowledge that you are worthy and deserving. Of what? Receiving kindness, compassion, empathy, caring, and love. Even the most monstrous person wants these things (but sees them in short supply and limited, so they practice selfishness and harm others from there).

Liking yourself begins when you work to be consciously aware of who, what, where, how, and why you are. Then, if elements of that displease you, take action via choices and decisions to make changes.

Ultimately, this leads to self-love.

Like yourself before you love yourself

Narcissism and egotism are born of unhealthy self-love. That comes from skipping the step of liking yourself.

Do you think Trump or Musk like themselves? I don’t. Look at how they demand respect and love from others, but otherwise come across as rather miserable. They, and people like them, become narcissists and egotists because they skipped the like yourself step.

Self-love is just another term for self-respect. It means you take care of your mind, body, and spirit. You actively work to maintain your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health, wellness, and wellbeing. But to genuinely work with yourself in a generative, healthy, productive way, you must like yourself.

That means accepting your imperfections, failings, inadequacies, and other perceived ways in which you’re not “normal” or otherwise off. Frankly, aspects of yourself that you dislike can’t be changed until you recognize and acknowledge them. And you can’t change what you can’t give voice to.

You are the only you that is or will ever be. You are here to contribute to the world, which you may or may not know the how and why of. But by liking yourself, you can choose your path and strive to experience the wonders, potential, and possibilities the world has to offer. You are worthy and deserving of that.

Can you see why you must like yourself before you can love yourself?

This is the seventh-hundred-twenty-fifth (725) exploration of my Pathwalking philosophy. These weekly essays are my ideas for – and experiences with – applying mindfulness and positivity to walk along a chosen path of life to consciously create reality.

I share this journey as part of my desire to make a difference in this world and empower as many people as I can with conscious reality creation.

Thank you for joining me. Feel free to repost and share this.

The first year of Pathwalking, including expanded ideas, is available here. Check out my author website for the rest of my published fiction and nonfiction works.

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