Henry Rollins, writing, and the idea of saving the world.

So I saw Henry Rollins here last night. To me it was a pretty big deal. This guy is one of the few major role models that I can consciously identify. Even being a stable (relatively speaking) well-adjusted adult, I still get so much of a boost from listening to Low Self Opinion or Alien Blueprint during a weight training workout or hill sprints. It’s not exaggerating when I write that without growing up with the Rollins yelling at me to stop being such a self-loathing pussy I likely wouldn’t have done any of the stupid things I’ve never been qualified to get into, like writing novels, teaching writing workshops, teaching guitar lessons, running, or pretty much all the random shit that interests me.

I mean, it still took forever–way longer than it ought to have–for it to sink in, but nevertheless eventually it did.

At the same time, I was a little taken aback by how I’d changed. Before, I’d have accepted every single word Rollins said in his talk. But now? I’m a little confused because I disagreed with some of it. I mean this guy is one of my greatest heroes. How is this possible?

Specifics are probably not all that useful. But Rollins spends a lot of energy cozying up to the college hipsters and vegetarians and young axe-grinders. He does put a premium on  youth that I believe isn’t exactly warranted. And youth love the idea that they’re saving the world. I did. I still do. But it comes out in different ways now. I got over my ultra-leftist anti-authority phase quite a long time ago. So I totally get where the hipsters and activists and Rollins are coming from, but have been co-opted by the “be sensible, get married, and have kids” idea. And it’s such a weird thing for me to be now disagreeing with all the things I used to believe in passionately. For fuck’s sake, last year I was moving along nicely through the RCMP recruiting process until I was lured by other opportunities. Nowadays, that’s my idea of making a difference. Nurses, firefighters, cops (gasp!), soldiers . . . anyone who actually puts themselves on the line for real in order to affect society in a positive way. Are protesters? Honestly, if you ask me, nope. Would a protester clean up shit and vomit in a hospital? Would the average protester run into a burning building (RCMP have been doing this a lot lately too, not just firemen)? Would the average protester be able to stomach caring for people who knew they were dying?

Nope.

The worst thing a protester faces is a bit of pepper spray (which the RCMP, or any police recruit, gets to experience firsthand during training, by the way) or being arrested and released a short time later. Or being punched a few times. But then again, these same people think being punched and kicked in a punk mosh pit is a good time, so what’s the issue?

And that stuff, now that I’m 29 and my life is almost over, is the real “saving the world.”

This also reminds me an essay I read a long time ago by Robert Heinlein. Heinlein, believe it or not, was/kind of still is another major role model for me. I don’t agree with everything he said either. Anyway, in some omnibus I have of his there was an essay in which he wrote about the idea of writing to save the world. Basically he said that you can’t and that trying to do so makes you a shitty writer. Now, I read that when I was about 16 but didn’t actually understand it until like 5 hours ago. Of course that’s exaggerating. But you know what I mean. And at least in his case, it was blatantly true. His first novel was just a thinly-veiled rant for social credit and was a difficult, pointless read. On the other hand, it did get me interested in social credit and other ideas outside the mainstream. It’s hard to believe that this paranoid freaky right-wing libertarian once pimped social credit and was responsible for me eventually reading Marx. But then again, maybe it’s not all that surprising, and that’s kind of the point of this long, boring post.

I spent a lot of my million-words-of-crap apprenticeship writing to save the world. This despite having read that Heinlein essay well before starting any novels. Being a kinesthetic learner, it probably would never have made sense to me had I not spent way too much time actually doing it and seeing why it was such a bad way to write. Not the most efficient way to learn, but it certainly makes an impact. Eventually.

Back to Rollins–I just find it hard to be supporting, as he did in a very diplomatic way, protesting bourgeois students who have the lowest tuition in North America based on the romantic ideal that they’re fighting for  . . . what, exactly? Rollins supported the idea that they deserve free education. In the same presentation he vehemently bashed nations that have free education because the apparatus that provides such education requires copious amounts of authority. You can’t espouse anarchism and free education in the same breath. It’s just not feasible. The idea behind his support is sincere and logical–if higher intelligence/education among the population would equal more fulfillment of leftist utopian dreams, it would make sense to support any action that would move that forward. And I believe that’s where he’s coming from. Yet it bothers me.

Rollins seems like an individualist to me. An individualist approach to education would or should be this: fuck the institution, fuck being entitled to going through their silly hoops and earning a degree by pure formality. We are free to educate ourselves in any way we want. Fuck tuition, fuck universities. Not this bullshit about middle-class kids being upset about not being able to fuck around and get drunk in college for bargain-basement prices based on some vague sense of entitlement. Nobody is stopping those students from learning anything. Learning has never been cheaper. Go war-driving (or to a fucking Starbucks) and log on to Khan Academy and take responsibility for your own education instead of being a whiny bitch and basically wasting entire semesters of productive time. There is no excuse, no way to justify such destructive, unproductive activity like protesting when it has never been easier to teach yourself everything you could possibly want to learn. Rollins himself is the perfect example of this idea in action. He’s got nothing but high school but was smarter than any of the college hipsters in the auditorium. Guaranteed.

I don’t think young people right now need to be told they are the saviours of the world. My generation was told this and re-assured and un-challenged. My generation has a high rate of living with their parents at 35, smoking pot, and generally being useless. Youth in itself has no value unless the generation passing the world to them has enough sense to make sure youth is going to un-youth itself in the right direction. And we’re not doing that. All we’re doing is making them addicted to the reek of their own flatulence. Youth are being exploited by everyone with an agenda. On the surface it might seem positive that youth are finally getting excited about this or that piece of identity politics, but how did they arrive there? They were told to and guilted into it, or talked into it because it was cool. In reality, all they need is to be physically strong and to be critical thinkers. If ideas are any good, they’ll survive the rigour of critical thinking. They don’t need to be shown documentaries about factory farming to gain critical thinking skills.

On the other hand, I can see why Rollins is as polarized he is. The USA is not Canada, and let’s face it, we’re pretty centrist and cool here and can’t comprehend the retarded shit that goes on down there on both sides. Also, being immersed in the punk thing comes with its own obligations. Personally I’m not really into that, or any scene in general, and was only into the more personal views that characterize his solo stuff, rather than the silly Black Flag stuff. Let’s face it–I was the only guy there with a good haircut and a polo shirt. Rollins ridicules guys who play perfectly, but his sidemen have always been awesome players and I never got that shitty 80s punk vibe from his music. And that makes it a bit confusing.

This also could touch on my worship of Michael Moorcock, since Elric bounced between Chaos and Law throughout the whole series. But this is already getting way too long. In all three of these hero-worship issues, I’m left confused by the way all of them are full of contradictions, and by my own contradictions. Then again, being a dialectical thinker, it does make perfect sense.

It’s complicated.

Anyway, despite the previous 1000 words of ass-talking, seeing Henry Rollins in my town was awesome and he continues to be one of my greatest heroes. If he’s coming to your town, go see him.