Devotionals for the Heart: When staying silent hurts and doesn't help

When Silence Hurts
A devotional by Joyce M. Averils
*Note for the Reader: This devotional message mentions abuse and domestic violence. Take the care you need as you read it.
~*~“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”—Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
I still remember the day she came into my office.

As a former judge, one of my duties was issuing temporary protective orders for victims of domestic violence. One day, a pastor who I had already issued two protective orders for was back again for her third protective order.

I had previously advised her that it was not God’s intent that she live this way. No one had the right to beat her up whenever he felt like it, even if he was her husband. We even discussed how what she was going through was destroying her ministry, how her calling was being overshadowed by her pain. She nodded through tears and promised she would not allow him back into her life.

But she did. She sat before me once more, bruised in body and spirit, asking for another protective order. As we talked, she admitted something that no piece of paper could fix: She loved the man who abused her. This woman told me how exhausting it was to live a double life, preaching and smiling on Sundays as if everything was wonderful, but living in fear every other day of the week. She felt her ministry slipping away, and she was devastated.

In that moment, I realized her problem wasn’t just domestic violence. I issued another protective order for her, but I knew it wouldn’t be enough. Her root problem went deeper than what the law could fix.

Like so many women I’ve encountered as a judge and now as a coach, this pastor was struggling with low self-worth. She didn’t see herself the way God saw her. That lack of identity and confidence in Jesus Christ was chaining her to abuse, and it was keeping her from fulfilling her God-given destiny. Until she confronted that root issue, she would remain trapped in a cycle of pain.

We don’t like to admit it, but domestic violence exists in the church. There are women who sit in pews every Sunday, serving faithfully, smiling outwardly, but silently suffering behind closed doors. Some are married to men who use Scripture to control, manipulate, and even justify their violence.

Let’s be clear: This is not God’s design for marriage. Ephesians 5:25 (ESV) reminds us, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” The love of Christ is sacrificial, protective, and life-giving. It is not harmful or abusive. Any teaching that suggests otherwise is a distortion of God’s Word.

The Lord has always shown His heart for the oppressed. Psalm 34:18 (NIV) says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God does not turn a blind eye to the suffering of His daughters. He calls the church to be His hands and feet, to stand against injustice, and to help set the captives free (Isaiah 61:1).

For women caught in abuse, the shame and fear can feel overwhelming. But your worth is not defined by what someone has done to you. Your worth is rooted in who you are in Christ. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). You are God’s workmanship, created for purpose (Ephesians 2:10). You are loved with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3).

If you are experiencing domestic violence, know this: You do not have to stay silent. You do not have to endure abuse in the name of marriage, ministry, or appearances. God values your life, your safety and your calling.

For those of us in the church, we must stop looking away. We must create safe spaces for women to speak up without judgment. We must educate ourselves and our congregations on what abuse looks like, including the subtle forms—emotional, financial, or spiritual—that often go unnoticed. We must be willing to walk alongside survivors with compassion and practical support.

The pastor who came into my courtroom needed more than a protective order. She needed to rediscover her worth in Christ. Healing didn’t start with a legal document; it started when she began to see herself as God’s beloved daughter, worthy of safety, dignity, and love.

That is the invitation to every woman reading this who feels trapped: God has not abandoned you. He is your refuge and strength, “an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1 NIV). There is life after abuse. There is hope for healing. And there is a future filled with purpose when you walk in your true identity in Christ.

This October, as we recognize Domestic Violence Awareness Month, let us remember the women sitting silently in our sanctuaries. Let us commit to being voices of truth, arms of comfort, and advocates for justice. Most of all, let us remind every woman who is hurting: God will never give up on you, and He has called you to live free.

Let’s Pray: Heavenly Father, we lift up every woman who is silently suffering from abuse. Remind her that she is fearfully and wonderfully made, precious in Your sight, and worthy of love that mirrors Christ’s love for the church. Cover her with Your protection, surround her with people who will support her, and give her the courage to step into freedom. Heal every wound—seen and unseen—and restore her hope, peace, and purpose. In Jesus’s Name I pray. Amen.

Resource: If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please reach out for help: National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): 1-800-799-7233 or text “BEGIN” to 88788 or visit thehotline.org

Song of Reflection #1: “The Healing Has Begun” by Matthew West. Listen to it here.

Song of Reflection #2: “Healing Now” by Katy Nichole. Listen to it here.
~*~Author Bio:

Joyce M. Averils is an attorney by education and a retired judge who currently works as a Life Purpose and Business Empowerment Coach. 

She attended the University of South Carolina where she received her Bachelor of Arts degree in Humanities and Social Sciences, with a concentration in Political Science in May 1981. Upon graduation from the University, she attended The Ohio State University’s Moritz College of Law, where she graduated with a Juris Doctor degree in June 1984. Joyce was admitted to the Georgia Bar in November of 1984.

During her legal career, she served as the legal advisor for an episode of the American television program “Designing Women”. She also successfully argued a zoning case before the Georgia Supreme Court.

Today, she is the founder of Averils Omnimedia, LLC, which includes Her RICH Life Coaching, where she helps high-achieving women of faith create a purpose-aligned life and business through coaching programs, workshops, and retreats.

She recently launched 26th & Alden Paper Design House which will release its first paper product in 2025.

Joyce believes that God created women to do extraordinary things by walking fully in their purpose, calling, and assignment. She knows that each woman has a unique calling that only she can fulfill, and if she doesn’t answer it, that work may never be done. Joyce is deeply aware that there are people waiting for the help only God can give, and He often chooses to work through His people to meet those needs. That’s why Joyce is committed to answering God’s call on her life and inspiring other women to do the same, so together, we can be of greater service to God and one another.

Her life verse is John 17:4 (NIV), “I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do.”

She makes her home on the coast of South Carolina.

~*~
Connect with Joyce:
Website: www.herrichlife.com
Facebook Ministry: www.facebook.com/groups/thepurposealignedwoman
Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/coachlabforaspiringchristianwomencoaches
Facebook: www.facebook.com/@HerRichLife
Instagram: www.instagram.com/herrichlife
Email address: joyce@herrichlife.com