Check Your 'But,' Part 2

In my latest YouTube video, I talk about my nine-month journey to overcome the self-defeating belief that I’m not a good cook, and to get more comfortable in the kitchen. It truly has been a path of self-discovery to learn how I unconsciously picked up on a message in childhood, and took steps to overcome it in middle age. It’s also led me to identify and work on other self-defeating beliefs that have me looking in the mirror right now and saying “You’re 50 years old and you believe that? Take a look around! You’re the grown up now!”

It’s funny that I’ve known about self-sabotage since I studied psychology in college, but didn’t realize the massive impact it’s had on my life until now. But, as I often say during setbacks – don’t get mad, get busy. My recent discovery that manifestation is actually blocked by these self-defeating beliefs is radically altering my paradigm, my goals, and my relationship with myself.

Before we rush to blame our childhood, I’d like to point out that self-defeating beliefs originate from three places. Yes, childhood experiences of limitation or criticism in childhood are one place, but we also learn them from societal conditioning and personal setbacks. I say in the video that the cooking thing did originate in my home, but not from any personal criticism – in reality, my parents didn’t like to cook, often complained about it, and never put any value on it as a life skill or something important. However, I believe that my tendency for perfectionism came from teachers and administrators in my schools, who put me in the highest-level classes and were always pushing for more. Add to that the young Gen-X messages that “we girls can do anything,” and you can see that bar of expectation rising. It’s no wonder that former gifted kids lament about “I was supposed to be a lot of things.” Reality did not align with a changing world, which resulted in reinforcement through shifting societal conditioning and perceived personal setbacks as a result of these shifts.

The good news is that we have the advantage through neuroplasticity. That’s a $25 word (my grandparents would have called it a $5 word, but I’ve got to adjust for inflation) that means your brain can change and adapt in response to experiences, learning, and environmental factors. Basically, the very same things that planted those beliefs can be countered to rewrite them in our favor. Most of our self-defeating beliefs are rooted in fear of failure. We think we can’t, that we aren’t good enough, that we don’t have what it takes, etc., etc., etc.  I believed I could never be a good cook because nobody taught me to appreciate it and do it right – until my brother developed an interest in it, proving me wrong. We grew up in the same home with the same beliefs! If he can change, so can I.

Screw that. You don’t need luck, a mentor, money, time, friends in right places, perfect circumstances, more stuff, or a different life. You need to work with what you’ve got, which is more than you realize. If it’s in your heart, then it’s for you. Step up. Claim it. Own it. But first: acknowledge it. Be honest with yourself. As I said in the video, check your ‘but.’ Claim what you want, then wait to see what comes after the internal “I could do that, but –” Write down your ‘buts.’ Keep digging to the root cause of your ‘buts.’ Then get out the post hole diggers, uproot it with a new thought that you claim daily, burn the ‘buts,’ and take inspired action each day to prove yourself wrong. Of course you’ll start  small, but it’s ok – it will build. Just keep moving in the right direction and don’t give up, especially if you get tired or discouraged. One thing I’ve started doing is claiming my truth as I go to bed each night, and reviewing instances where I’ve already done it in other areas as I fall asleep. I felt like a new person in two day.

Bold, yes, but it’s going to take a bit of sassiness to break these chains, and you can. I’m proof of it. I’m using myself as proof to rewrite other nonsense junk in my brain! So folks, let’s welcome fall by getting out the post hole diggers and digging up the root of those limiting beliefs so we can fill ourself with the light of inspiration and positive action. We’re going to rip up those thoughts, toss them in the yard, and light a bonfire.

Anything that compromises you is not truth.

I heard that on a podcast this morning, and it struck me so hard that I wrote it out and taped it in conspicuous places at home and work where I would see it daily. Maybe you should, too. Or at least, repeat that along with your new affirmations, as you add the successes you achieve each day that prove your new truth. It is your truth. Nobody can take it from you. Break the chains of limiting beliefs and wipe the slate clean. Claim it. Own it. Live it. This is your world. Go out there and do something!

If you’d like more information, check out these resources:Manifestation Mastery: The Science-Backed Guide to Achieving Your Dreams, by Adrian HoltThe Real Reason We Self-Sabotage (and How to Stop) | Psychology TodayUnshackling The Mind – Conquering Limiting Beliefs And Negative Self-Talk
That’s all today. Take care, and have a great week.

​Bye!