Before You End It All, Read This Book

A review of To Thrive by Dr. Min Deng

To anyone who has contemplated “ending it all,” this book is for you. If this sounds like an intro to a YouTube video, rest assured it’s not.

The content is from Min Deng, a developmental psychologist who has struggled with suicidal ideation for most of her life. Her experiences have led her to write a series of books on the topic and form a nonprofit organization called “Mental Health CPR.” She hopes that sharing her ordeals will help those similarly afflicted.

This book also helps the loved ones and caregivers of those suffering from suicidal ideation because it provides a glimpse into what’s going on in their minds. One example comes from the author herself. This was her logic for ending her life: “From the age of 25, everything goes downhill. Our intelligence, memory, cognitive skills, executive functioning, physical appearance, physical strength. What’s the point in living while witnessing and experiencing such decline in all dimensions of my being?” How can an extremely intelligent, highly educated individual think such BS?

Could she not see how shallow and defeating this thought trajectory was? And at such a young age to give up! It trashed all the accomplishments so many much, much older people have achieved. History has so many examples of highly accomplished people who began succeeding only in midlife and even beyond. The author’s statement also shows very limited thinking; what pundits call “tunnel vision.”

If any of you out there are harboring similar thoughts, STOP! Find a mentor or any (even mildly) accomplished person to kick you out of this locked-in thinking and motivate you to live a purposeful life. Watch the speeches of people like Jim Kwik (memory coach who survived a traumatic brain injury in childhood and author of Limitless) and Simon Sinek (who popularized the concept of WHY).

Deng’s friend to whom she said this replied, “But then you’ll have achieved nothing in life. You’ll leave nothing behind as your legacy!” EXACTLY.

However, this conversation just shows how mental health issues (like other medical conditions) don’t choose whom to strike. They don’t discriminate against age, gender, sexual orientation, faith belief, educational background, or socioeconomic status. It’s easy for anyone to see the logic of a drug addict barely surviving on the streets wanting to kill himself. But you can also be a movie star with several doctorate degrees, living in a ginormous mansion in Beverly Hills, and still be one step away from drowning yourself in your pool if you have this condition.

To be fair, Deng, from her own confession, said she is a victim of child abuse and horrible life circumstances, including the death of her dad when she was young. That kind of background offers a more understandable and logical explanation of the roots of her suicidal ideation.

This book highlights important topics related to suicide:
* depression and anxiety
* parent-child abuse, including the horrendous effects of parents’/guardians’ seemingly well-meaning but destructive words in their kids’ development and impact on adulthood
* Chinese parenting methodologies
* grief and loss
* the link between faith belief and survival from suicidal ideation

Many gurus claim to be able to help multitudes due to their educational background and professional achievements, but they are infinitely more effective if they themselves have undergone the experiences of their patients (or people they intend to help). This is why a counselor or psychologist who specializes in addiction disorders and who is also a recovering addict is at a better position to help those similarly struggling. Such is the authenticity of this book’s author.

This is the review in capsule form. I’ll publish the longer version later.

Rating: four stars